Vanuatu, Friends.

Lurking in all good supermarket freezer cabinets there is a threat.

Good yeomen, unless you have a better atlas than I, you will struggle to find Vanuatu on the map. For those of you who are now struggling to remember where you stored your old school atlas, I’ll give you a clue. It is in the South Pacific in the New Hebrides chain of islands about 1090 miles East of Australia. (Note 1) The Republic of Vanuatu deserves a little bit more respect. After all, any country’s National Anthem that starts “Yumi, Yumi, Yumi” should get a bit of a spotlight now and again. (Note 1B).

In fact, Vanuatu will be getting a little bit of prime time TV time soon. There is a great series on BBC2 called Tribe. In it, Bruce Parry takes a documentary crew and lives with remote tribes – it is fascinating stuff – explore the web page if you don’t believe me. Well, in an interesting twist on this, Channel 4 are going to take remote tribal people and bring them to Britain and follow them with a documentary crew. It promises to be equally compelling viewing. (Note 2)

Not that I set out to blog about documentaries or royalty. Somehow, strange news items are flinging themselves at me today. In the Philippines, Armand, Luis and Angel have cost Florentino Floro his job. Not a bad job by all accounts, he was a judge. OK, Armand, Luis and Angel are dwarves. Not ordinary dwarves, but dwarves of the imaginary mystic variety. Not understanding the benefits of a touch of vertically challenged, alternative reality mysticism to the decision making process, medical experts jumped to the conclusion he suffers from psychosis. I wonder how many British Judges are brushing up their résumés?

Perhaps Florentino would feel a touch better after a short holiday. He and his mystic dwarves could up sticks and take in a bit of culture somewhere. (Note 3) Maybe they would benefit from ”a place where people often find themselves roaming endlessly”. If so, then Oregon is the place for you. Book soon, the Oregon State Fair starts next Friday and runs until September 4th.

Maybe I am a touch cruel. It’s just that I learned something worrying about Oregon this morning by reading Sean’s blog. The picture of a rural idyll painted by the Oregon State Fair hides a frightening secret – to which the young boy can testify. Mutant blackberries plague Oregon, specifically Marion County. All day I have been plagued by lurid nightmares… err.. daymares about these fruit lying in wait and ravaging innocent men and ravishing their good ladies.

Maybe it is time for me to take my dried frog pills.

Certainly there is no time left to cover my original blog topics.

From 14th June, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: On the page of the atlas that looks like it was originally just plain blue until someone sneezed after drinking strong coffee. Click to return

NOTE 1B: This translates to “We, We, We” which tends to suggest, with the addition of a few ‘e’ an extract from a game to be played with young children or an instruction from a United Airlines Stewardess (yes that last one was uncalled for). I must admit that I have been busily searching for the actual sound file with the words, but as I failed you will just have to make do with this. I hope that when 2012 comes around and they win heaps of gold medals, I have prepared you so you can sing-a-long. Click to return

NOTE 2: We are promised that in one program we will see a tribe from remote Vanuatu let loose on the streets of Britain. Which is interesting because these people apparently worship Prince Phillip as a God. Click to return

NOTE 3: This could actually test out just how mad he really is. If he is truly mad, he won’t buy one ticket, but four. I really can’t see a travel agent turning the chance for the extra sales. Mind you, it will be interesting to see how airport security manages in searching imaginary mystic dwarves. Click to return

If you missed this link the first time, then I’m sorry.