A Couple of Tenors Short - the story so far.

Once upon a time, there was a big, fat bald bloke who sat down and started to write something. He didn't know what he would write, just that he would write something.

The result was to grow and morph into "A Couple of Tenors Short" which he published on his blog in the form of a serial. This page came about to house the troublesome recap in safe, secure surroundings where it cannot harm itself or others.

One day there will be a posh illustration sitting just about... here! Until then use you imagination and don't make a mess on the seat covers.

Now, if you are sitting comfortably, here is the story so far...

Inspector Glynn Jones believes the world has turned ‘odd’. The trouble is, nobody else seems to agree.

Jones cannot remember having a breakdown, but apparently he did. It was caused by the guilt he suffered after one of his detectives; Rosa Constantine was paralysed after falling from a roof chasing a suspect during a raid. Due to this history, he is finding it difficult to convince his colleagues of the sudden oddness afflicting London. While Jones tries to fight against the strange events, everyone, despite finding they are having major memory lapses, seems to accept them. When they do try to explain them, it makes them feel ill.

One person who seems to listen is the shadowy David Heatherington from the State Security Services. Heatherington dresses in the green lycra body suit of the Security Services as he investigates the dealings of the multi-millionaire, Sir Terence Cauldron MP. The two investigations appear linked to the Adkins family.

The oddness extends to his personal life. He returned home to discover he lived in a large art deco house with his wife, Pippa Hucknell, who works as an investigative journalist. Pippa seems to genuinely love Jones – feelings he is finding himself reciprocating. Yet, Jones finds it impossible to explain the oddness to Pippa and feels guilty that he is accepting the perks of a marriage he cannot remember happening.

His doubts about the marriage were further fuelled when he discovered the engraving mysteriously changed when his wife gave a different wedding day for their marriage than was originally on the ring.

His main investigation is into the apparent abduction of Archie McRamie, the famous author of ‘The Cat Crowed at a Little After Two-thirty’. The main character in the book appears to be Horace Adkins. However, during an interview with Archie’s Agent, Joanne Schooner, she let slip that it is his wife and secretary, Elspeth Periwinkle that writes all his books. During the interview, Joanne struggled to explain why Adkins was such a hero, eventually blurting out that the events in the book were all sanctioned by the government. This fact seemed to suddenly break into the news media, although Constable Tiddles was already aware of it immediately after the interview with the agent.

Constable Rory Tiddles found the CCTV footage related to the abduction of Archie McRamie. It shows Dunker Phil climbing into Archie’s car at a filling station unchallenged.

While reviewing the CCTV footage, Jones discovered an old newspaper article in the wrappings of a fish and chip supper that talks of making a film of Archie McRamie’s book, but is scathing of Horace Adkins. The article appears to be written by Simon Cowell, the Prime Minister. The State Security man has also got a copy of the same newspaper from a recycling centre.

Jones collected old newspapers from Fish and Chip Shops and set his squad the task of explaining the article. None of them came up with an adequate explanation.

There are the other cases he has to solve too; The theft of industrial generators, forged tickets for the Light Entertainment Championships, feral Girl Guides, the smuggling of illegal Macramé yarn, a suspected murder of a ‘John Doe’ dragged from the Thames, and the disappearance of a number of petty criminals.

Doctor Wilkins, the famous TV Pathologist, has confirmed the unknown swimmer drowned in the Thames after taking a large high tea. The Fruit Fancies of his last meal are being linked to Darrius ‘The Baker’ Kipling. However, before he can run the tests to prove this, Dr Wilkins is replaced by the TV network due to falling ratings and sent to Northumbria. His replacement, Dr Ewan Bright, does not consider the tests a priority and is refusing to help.

Darrius and Dunker Phil both work for Horace Adkins, the beloved Barbers Shop Quartet impresario who is presumed dead after a massive explosion at his Georgian Mansion which the local police have suggested was suicide. Both Darrius and Dunker Phil where outside the offices of London’s premier trial lawyers, Witherspoon, Lewes, Grambling, and Witherspoon when Vera Adkins had gone there to instigate a defamation case. However, while meeting with Sir Andrew Witherspoon, her sister Violet arrived and talked her out of it.

Jones had a very uncomfortable meeting with Vera and Violet Adkins along with a third sister, Veronica when he went to the ‘Red, White and Blue’ club to fetch Dunker Phil in for interview over the CCTV footage. The three sisters were evasive and claimed to be at Newmarket races on the day of the abduction. Their alibi was later confirmed by Sir Andrew Witherspoon.

While Jones was meeting the sisters, Dunker Phil tried to escape out the back. Fortunately, Jones had anticipated such a move. Dunker Phil was taken back to the station for interview about the CCTV footage and the whereabouts of Archie McRamie. Sir Andrew Witherspoon appeared to represent Dunker, despite Sir Andrew normally being an expensive barrister. Dunker Phil claims that a mysterious Russian named Sergei and an unknown woman were involved in the abduction. After the interview, Sir Andrew wanted to stand bail for his client, but helped by David Heatherington, Jones managed to persuade his eccentric Superintendant to hold Dunker Phil overnight.

During a daily briefing, Johnson has revealed that the ‘John Doe’ was Sergei Plutov. Something that Johnson has known for a couple of days, but did nothing about because Plutov was a foreigner. The identification has been confirmed by Dunker Phil as the Sergei involved in the alleged abduction.

The team went to search Sergei’s lodgings, where his landlady Mrs Ford told them that some other policemen had already arrived to search Sergei’s room, but had left empty handed after discovering that a mysterious lady and two men had already taken most of Sergei’s belongings.

However, while searching the room, Jones did find a piece of University College London notepaper with the name of Professor Ibsen and a telephone number written on it.

The death of Horace Adkins has sparked a popular and widespread outpouring of grief from the general public. There are regular protests calling for the Prime Minister, Simon Cowell to sanction a State Funeral for Adkins. However, he refuses to do so. With the news that the illegal activities detailed in McRamie’s book, ‘The Cat Crowed at a Little After Two-thirty’ was sanctioned by the Government, the protests have increased. Pippa believes that this could lead to the Prime Minister to resign and that Sir Terence Cauldron would be favourite to take over.

While Jones was in a lift with David Heatherington, the security man halted it between floors to conduct an impromptu case review. Heatherington revealed the existence of a fourth Adkins sister, Victoria. Jones found it difficult to remember this fourth Adkins sister.

Jones also found it difficult to recall the Maryfields case where the vault of a jewellery repository was tunnelled into. In fact Smithy his sergeant and Pippa his wife also have difficulty remembering the case.

So Jones is finding he has to cope with the world being ‘odd’ and the various frustrations that brings. He has found that he driving a rather chirpy, lime green Datsun Cherry that behaves like a mix between a puppy and a therapist; suffered numerous random wardrobe malfunctions; keeps re-growing a ginger moustache; bet against his own station in the upcoming police light entertainment championships; appears to being followed by a Catholic priest; had one of his team hospitalised by the feral Girl Guides and found the camp Sat-Nav unit in the pink Mark III Ford Zephyr is developing a personality and cannot be switched off.

Then there are the Buddhist monks who, in a moment of collective enlightenment, decided that Jones is to be the saviour of the world. The chief monk has given Jones an un-tuned bell which has a strange effect on everybody when rung.

I hope that makes things clearer and you now feel capable of reading on.

Now, click here to go back to the bald, fat bloke's blog.