Saturday, January 06, 2007

Turn Around and Allow Me

Note the handy pocket clip and the telescopic design making it highly portable.

I have the tools, why doesn’t anyone ask?

Had the good marketing men working for Hough Lian Enterprises Corp of Taiwan got in touch with me, I’m sure I would have been able to help them out. (Note 1) My particular skills are absolutely perfect for highlight and promote them to the world and give their products that little PR nudge that will turn them into the next Microsoft.

It seems, my wise yeomen, that the blogosphere is the latest tool in the Marketing Executives toolkit. Everything from the latest Hollywood blockbuster to the next big thing in the art world gets promoted via a blog.

The fact that companies are quick to utilise the power of the blog to generate a bit of publicity and interest shows what a kicking place (See Becky, your Dad knows all the hip language of the street) we have helped create.

Yes, this is an actual book and it is on sale at Amazon – and you can have it gift wrapped.

All of which is fine until some enterprising PR man decides that to stir up a bit of publicity for their product, they’ll lend out a few examples to some key bloggers in the hope that they will pick up some cheap publicity. (Note 2). In my blog yesterday, the final link was to the blog of Marshall Kirkpatrick. The poor guy has got himself into a right two and eight (listen! A maniacal laugh echoes around the walls. I slip in a phrase to deliberately confuse my Merkin yeomen – then refuse to explain).

Young Marshall (Note 3) caught the eye of a PR man in Microsoft who decided it would be a spiffing stunt to send out a few laptops to bloggers to allow them to review Microsoft’s new Vista Operating System. Marshall pans the Vista Operating System in his review (and the actual laptop later) and then expresses surprise when a sobbing PR executive from Microsoft demands his laptop back. It strikes me that wispy beard or not, Marshall hasn’t quite grasped how these things work.

Now if that nice Microsoft PR man would like to send me a lovely laptop complete with pretty Ferrari badges and the Vista Operating System – I’ll be happy to give it a glowing review her in my blog. In fact, I’ll even let the nice Microsoft man write the review while I play with my new toy.

The addition of a sticky yellow badge featuring a prancing horse means this little beauty retails at $1898 at Walmart.

It seems that there are some who take this blogging lark far, far too seriously. Yes, Marshall, I include you in that number. Even the BBC realises that there is a need to lighten up occasionally.

There again, could there be another reason why truck loads of freebies are not rolling up at my door? Or perhaps it is that here on 360 (and apologies to those of you reading this on my mirror site) we are not considered ‘proper’ bloggers. (Note 4)

Sadly, I think it is the latter. Snobbery is alive and well on the internet.

Justmeagain organised a rather whimsical awards ceremony for the blogs that have featured on Yahoo and decided to organise nominations and a vote. All good harmless fun. Of course, somewhere a synapse jarred and I went off and checked out the internet to see if there are any awards for Bloggers.

Well cover my bald head in bloater paste and call me Hi-tee there are. Amazing as it may seem, but there is not a single Yahoo 360 or MySpace blog in the list. In fact, if you go through the list of nominations, you will find that there isn’t even a nomination for a Yahoo or MySpace blog (unless you count this).

There are blogs on Yahoo worthy of inclusion in the nominations and some that stand a good chance of winning.

Sadly, it looks like snobbery is still alive and well on the internet. Perhaps in 2007, Yahoo users will have to fight back when the time for nominations comes.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: It seems a regular occurrence that in the midst of a high pressure power lunch, at least one executive suddenly bemoans the fact that there is a shortage of cutlery and then unsuccessfully attacks their bowl of Mulligatawny with a fork. There is many a CEO that has risen to power because of his knowledge of the telescopic products marketplace. Click to return

NOTE 2: And yes this did stem from jealousy. I’ve put pictures of Golden Syrup in my blog – Tate & Lyle didn’t send as much as a sugar cube. I even put up pictures of Marmite – mind you, I’m not sure I really want my house overrun with evil black gloop. Still it would be nice to think that they cared. I give them all of this wonderful free publicity and they don’t phone, don’t write they don’t send flowers… Click to return

NOTE 3: For the unfortunate Marshall has all the looks of being young, cynical and yet unworldly wise. Like may before him, in attempt to gain a look of wisdom and to gain an air of ‘I’ve been about a bit so I must know what I’m talking about’ has attempted to cultivate a beard. Unlike my own fine specimen, his has turned out thin, wispy with a risk of being described as bum fluff. Fear not Marshall! I shall share with you a tip for great whiskers. Every night, before you go to bed rub in a little Nightswerve’s Restorative Hair Tonic. Available from all good chemists.

Is that OK Albert? If it is then just send a crate of the stuff to my house or better still, I’ll pick it up the next time I’m in the Rat & Ferret. . Click to return

NOTE 4: Because in this virtual world we are not devoid of class. Ever since the very early days of the internet, there has been a perceived social divide. Since the dawn of message boards, those who sit in front of an Apple and those who sit in front of a Windows PC have squabbled over what is best. Those who own Macs are convinced that Windows users have sold their souls to Microsoft and that they alone carry the sacred boot disk. Now we also have the Linux users claiming that open source is the only true way to enlightenment. The internet is plagued with fanatics who refuse to believe that every platform has its place. Click to return

Seasick Steve is still here. Go check him out on

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