Free Range Potatoes

He’s not going to do another pig link is he?

I’m not sure how you arrived at Yahoo 360, but I came via a strange detour from Yahoo Answers. Yes, my alluring yeomen, I have entered and survived the captivating and frustrating maelstrom that is the Answers Portal.

While it seems that the vast majority of the questions are puerile or bigoted or downright strange, I still find myself returning there on occasion, hoping to find the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything or perhaps to find a question or two that I may answer to give enlightenment to some aspiring grasshopper

For obvious reasons, I have kept this rather idealistic and illogical craving quiet, preferring not to burden you all with my condition. I suppose I should really seek treatment, but sometimes, very occasionally, my twilight forays pay off and some little gem materialises or I find myself producing something a little different.

Such a thing happened this week, when I found myself presented with the opportunity to answer the question ”Where in the UK can we get Free Range Potatoes?”. My fingers twitched, synapses sparked, the small little cogs shuddered and before I knew what had happened, I had provided enlightenment. I share that enlightenment with you all today (with a few modifications).

Henry Charles Warbarton still farms potatoes in the traditional manner near Cromer in Norfolk. Manor farm covers around 240 acres of the North Norfolk countryside. Its unique position on the coast and the rich fertile ground, means he is able to raise a number of varieties. Never having used pesticides or herbicides on the land means that there are an abundance of wild pasta plants on which the potato thrive. Access to the sea means he can breed a number of the amphibious strains that can trace their ancestry back to their epic voyage clinging to the hull of Sir Francis Drake's flagship. (Note 1)

Such is the demand for his crops, Henry no longer conducts his own harvests. He finds there are always enough true food enthusiasts willing to come catch their own.

On special holidays, the more vigorous amongst you might wish to join the North Norfolk Legume Hunt (Note 2)and capture your potato on horseback using the traditional potato waffle - a net that inspired the design of the modern potato waffle.

In the height of summer there are also trips that enable you to catch the amphibious varieties off the coast. You will find all the equipment will be provided including lines baited with the finest cheddar cheese and butter.

Whatever your choices, it is a fun filled day out. Just remember that children should not be encouraged to hunt potatoes, as they can be dangerous when cornered.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: There is a lot of debate about just how the amphibious potato reached Britain. Although the majority of British children are raised on tales of the how the hardy potatoes clung to the barnacled hull of the Golden Hind as it circumnavigated the globe, the Spanish claim otherwise. They claim that Drake and attacked a galleon in the Bay of Biscay and looted the precious cargo. Whatever the truth of the matter, we got the potato and they were left with tortilla chips nesting in their bunks. Click to return

NOTE 2: The North Norfolk Legume Hunt holds the honour of being the only hunt exempted from the UK Haunting with dogs act. This is largely due to the arguments that range over the classification of the potato and the problems caused by feral potatoes.

Thankfully this has preserved this traditional practice which has been a rousing sight ever since the potato was introduced into the British countryside.

Farmers had to find ways to keep the numbers of feral potatoes down to stop them worrying the chickens and destroying local pasta crops. Without hunting, the farmers would be forced to hunt them down with mallets and mashers - a process that causes far more suffering to the wild spuds. Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : potato ; answers ; humour ; whimsy ; Dracula ; Drake.

And the Cat Still Won't Go Into the Shed

Corporate Branding taken to new lows?

Dear yeomen, as we hurtle down the carpool lane of life, we find ourselves at the signpost marking the start of a new month. As I stood at the window yesterday morning, sipping on a cup of the strong brown coffee that kick starts my day, I was able to watch as a tradition unfolded before me. I watched a couple of little boys gleefully running down the road being chased by their irate father, dressing gown gaping and waving a random kitchen utensil.

It is good to see tradition being maintained. For children of all ages, April 1st is a day when withheld allowances are the very least of our thoughts while we indulge in a few pranks for All Fools Day.

It does seem to be a very strange thing that on one particular day of the year, people are actually encouraged to lie and cheat. Plus, why on earth have I opened my entry with a picture of a piece of wood? Ah yes, as my longer serving yeomen have probably have already deduced, I’m off on synaptic tangents again.

On the 1st April, 1752, I wonder if George II had the general populace first celebrating and then roaring with laughter by declaring a public holiday and feasting between September 3rd to September 13th? (Note 1)

Sadly, I can find no record of such a royal April Fool jape. If history is to be believed, then it wouldn’t have been George II that would have been involved, but his Prime Minister, Henry Pelham, who also instigated a minimum age for getting married. All of this is very interesting, but doesn’t really help us with the synaptic tangents.

However, fiddling about with calendars has more to do with April Fools tradition than you may expect.

Back in 16th Century France, the start of the year was a thing for local interpretation. Some places chose to start the year at Easter, others at Christmas. Charles IX, the boy king, decided that it would be a good idea to have a standard start of the year on January 1st and issued the Edict of Roussilon which did just that (along with some rather boring bits concerning justice).

The French had the tradition of sending people New Year gifts. So when the date of the New Year changed, the date that presents got sent changed to. Of course, some of the French people didn’t particularly like the idea of change (and let’s face it change can be rather uncomfortable), So, to show their displeasure, they took to sending joke gifts and ‘paying calls of pretended ceremony’ (a bit like a joke first footing). (Note 2)

So there you have it a rambling explanation of why we play jokes on April 1st – or at least a rambling explanation of why I think we play jokes on April 1st.

Oh yes, the picture. Well, the great tradition of the prankster is slapstick humour -As the link above confirms so well. The opening picture is of a slapstick – the musical instrument from where this… errr… art form takes its name.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: Because in 1752 the British Empire (of which Merkins were still part) finally decided to catch up with the rest of Europe and switch from the Julian Calendar to the Gregorian Calendar. In a rather pragmatic and wonderful switch over methodology they decided that there would be no September 3rd to September 10th that year. Thus denying the bulk of Virgos a birthday bash that year. Click to return

NOTE 2: In France you are not an ’April Fool’ but a ‘Poisson d’Avril’. I just through that I would throw that in. Just like I’ll lob in that Charles IX came to the throne aged 10, was in power for the massacre of Protestants on St. Bartholomew’s Day and is said to have died mad at the age of 24 Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : April Fools ; Calendar ; Slapstick ; history ; Synaptic ; Dracula.

On the Not-So Slippery Slope

Strike By Fashion Police Beginning To Bite.

Well, my creamy yeomen, last night you could have knocked me down with a feather. Indeed, you could have covered in sprinkles and called my a donut. Or even wrapped me in crushed velvet and called me Dior.

On entering the ‘Rat and Ferret’, I was dumbfounded to see Chief Inspector McCrindle Barleymow Honeydew-Fforbes stood at the bar. Now I know this isn’t an uncommon experience. It isn’t that unusual to see the erstwhile Chief Inspector sporting a cast on his leg and crutches – for his is a dangerous occupation.

No, the surprise came from seeing his drinking companion was none other than Evar! The tanned and smiling Evar has had his misdemeanours forgiven and has returned from his exile.

Despite rumours that Evar was living rough on Bondi Beach, it can now be revealed that Evar was living in a small, Austrian ski resort disguised as busty Peruvian chalet maid call Maria. In a coincidence that would grace a plot hole in an American mini-series, the good Chief Inspector chose that very chalet to enjoy a short skiing holiday. Thankfully, Evar’s disguise was so good, that even the keen-eyed Chief Inspector failed to recognise his arch-nemesis. (Note 1)

The reconciliation came about after the Chief Inspector decided to indulge in a little extreme skiing and strayed off-piste. Unfortunately, he slipped and did himself a mischief. So loud were the Chief Inspector’s expletives, that they sparked an avalanche. Fortunately, Evar was in the same area and skied to his rescue, scooping him up as the wall of snow was about to swallow them both up and then, with the Chief Inspector over one shoulder, he outran the roaring ice until they reached safety.

With such bravery, the Chief Inspector felt it churlish to press charges and with the slate smudged unreadable, Evar is free to partake of a pint of Nightswerve’s Velvet Cudgel in the Lounge Bar.

Sadly for Yvette Munsderpiedder, her return to the ‘Rat and Ferret’ will have to postponed for a while longer. While Evar was in trouble with the noble Chief Inspector, it appears that Yvette has upset Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs. (Note 2)

An undercover investigator has been rifling through Yvettes underwear drawer and has calculated that the pneumatic and curvaceous Yvette should have paid VAT on tips she received while working at the Aniseed Hippo Lap Dancing Emporium.

Sadly, this case looks to run and run. The Customs’ people have calculated the tax bill based on the size of Yvette’s lingerie. Anyone who has seen the size of Yvette’s lingerie will realise that the tax demand is exceedingly large.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: I was to learn later from one of the fellow residents of the chalet that this was despite a rather drunken game of ‘Strip Tiddlywinks’ and a rather inept attempt by the inebriated Chief Inspector to seduce the now partially disguised Evar. I have a problem with some of the mental images this provokes, but suffice to say that both of them deny the story – despite the impeccable source. Click to return

NOTE 2: As every schoolboy knows, the it wasn’t the police who did for Al Capone, but the tax man. In the end he got sent down for eleven years for tax evasion. Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : News ; Evar ;Yvette Dracula.

Poking a Grumpy Lion With a Pointy Stick

May the Force Be With You!

Well, good yeomen, last night somebody tinkered with the clocks. So now we are running on British Summer Time which is a hour ahead of good old GMT. (Note 1) So it is that I – and so many others – will spend the next couple of days wandering around a touch grumpy having lost a precious hours sleep.

Yet it is now truly Spring! You would expect that we would all be bouncing around like the young lambs in the fresh green pastures. But no, we will all spend the next week grumbling about sleep deprivation and making statements like ‘Yesterday I was still in bed at this time’.

Perhaps we should have the same approach as Iran. They are currently celebrating the festival of Norouz. Nourez is a major holiday in the country.

I’ve always had an interest in Iran. It has an amazing history and cultural legacy. Yet here in the West, we tend to view it with a little bit of suspicion. I’ve always tried to take an informed view on the stories, but perhaps it is the changes to the clocks, but even I am beginning to wonder if the Iranian leadership is trying to goad the West into war.

In my rather grumpy mood, I am getting rather fed up with Iran’s take on what constitutes diplomatic endeavours. We have had the Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad call for Israel to be wiped off the face of the map and to deny the Holocaust under the Nazis in Europe. We have seen Iran actively support groups that employ terrorism. There have also been suggestions that Iran is supporting the insurgents in Iraq. (Note 2)

We have also had the rather long running dispute over Iran’s Nuclear program, particularly their enriching of Uranium and their refusal to allow Nuclear inspections by the UN. An issue that stems from Iran running an enrichment program in secret in contravention of international treaties and then taking an uncompromising line once found out.

All of which leads us to question whether the international community can trust Iran. Just how far is Iran prepared to go to?

Despite it being a public holiday in Iran, in a piece of miraculous timing, the Iranian Republican Guard had ships at work in Shatt al-Arab waterway. Just as the UN were about to vote on sanctions against Iran because of their Nuclear program, the Iranian Republican Guard seized fifteen British sailors on anti-smuggling operations in Iraqi national waters. (Note 3).

In this grumpy, sleep deprived state of mine, it is beginning to look like the Iranian Government believes that it can just do whatever it likes, whenever it likes without any regard to any other international body or government. That Iran doesn’t negotiate or discuss on issues and is just out to goad the rest of the world.

Without trust and without dialogue and compromise there seems to be limited ways you are able to deal with Iran.

Take care, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, you cannot go on poking a grump lion with a pointy stick forever without getting a reaction.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: My body clock seems more in tune with British Summer Time. I like getting up early and the simple temporal shift of the clocks means that I get up at an hour that people are less likely to view as weird. The thing is, that in the summer months the early morning is a truly wonderful time. There is nothing quite like watching the sun come up on a late spring day – and the moving of the clocks forward means this treat is more accessible to all. One of the great pleasures I remember from working shifts was going outside for a ciggie in mid-summer and watching the sun creep over the horizon. Given that the horizon was actually the local abattoir you would have thought the magic would be lost – but no, it always gave me a real lift even if I was barely half way into my shift. Click to return

NOTE 2: In the interests of balance, I should point out that both the US, UK, China, Russia and others have been known to support the appropriate Left Wing or Right Wing Freedom Fighter / Rebel Group in the past too. Then we have the whole issue over the Iraq War and the invasion of Iraq by the US and the UK – so perhaps we are in a position of weakness when discussing the supporting of terrorists. Click to return

NOTE 3: I’m inclined to believe this because the patrols would be equipped with GPS and this isn’t the first time that Iran has pulled this trick. When they did this in 2004 the GPS systems later proved that they had never strayed out of Iraqi waters – as confirmed by Sir Alan West in this interview. It is also suggested that the Revolutionary guard used to make a good living out of smuggling before the British Naval patrols. Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : Mahmoud Ahmadinejad ; Iran ;News ;Norouz; BST ; UN; Dracula.

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

To Mum, with love on Mothering Sunday.

My Merkin yeomen, may suddenly have that slight empty feeling in the pit of their stomach. They may find themselves with that sense of slight panic that they have forgotten something really important. Well, don’t worry my fine friends. Mothering Sunday is the same and yet subtly different from your Mother’s Day. Although both have taken on the tag of being a Hallmark Holiday.

So, in common with the rest of the UK, I would like to wish my my Mum a very happy mothers day, send her all my love and show her that she is in my thoughts not just today, but every day. (Note 1).

I suppose in retrospect, I should eat humble pie at least once a year as I probably wasn’t the easiest little boy to drag up. Mind you, I think she ended up doing a pretty passable job.

Now, as any self respecting Merkin will tell you, the US Mother’s Day falls on the second Sunday in May. Indeed this does seem to be the most popular date. The link I gave above shows the dates different countries celebrate their mothers. The most interesting thing I noticed was that Belgium doesn’t appear to have a Mother’s Day – unless you live in Antwerp. In France, just when Mother’s Day falls seems particularly complex.

Whatever the date, perhaps it would be best if we just take a few moments out to remember our mothers. The lucky ones amongst us who can should perhaps take time out to give her a call. (Note 2)

After you have told your mother how much you love and appreciate her, you might want to make yourself a cup of your preferred non-alcoholic beverage, cut yourself a slice of Simnel cake and read more about the origins of Mothering Sunday.

Alternatively, you may wish to spend some time helping mothers in the developing world by campaigning against the horrors of Vulture Funds. Merkins can contact your Senators and Representatives. You may even want to email the White House at ‘comments@whitehouse.gov’.

Anyone can sign the petition on ipetitions.

If you are a British resident or a British citizen living abroad, you can add your name to the petitions on the Number 10 website. Such is the delight of technology, there has ended up with more than one petition and you can find them here and here. If you can spare the time please sign both.

IMPORTANT : The number 10 website sends you an email to confirm your email address. Some junk mail filters treat this email as spam. If you don’t get a confirmation email with a link to confirm your signature – please check in your junk mail folder!

Sorry I keep banging on about Vulture Funds, but I find the whole idea immoral.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: Of course given that I doubt that my mother has used a computer for years (if at all) and would look very blankly at you if started talking about blogs and personal spaces, this could be a rather pointless exercise. Still, it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it? Click to return

NOTE 2: In one of those rather amazing turns of history, Anna Jarvis campaign tirelessly to get the US to introduce a holiday to mark Mother’s Day. In 1914 she succeded and US President Woodrow Wilson introduced Mother’s Day. Was Anna happy? Well, yes an no. When she saw how commercialised it became she spent the rest of her life trying to return it to the original meaning. It’s an amazing story and you can read here. Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : Vulture Funds ; Mothering Sunday ;Simnel ; Make Poverty History ; Jarvis; Dracula.

I'm Still Standing

Nursery Rhymes at sunrise.

Yes, my magnificent yeomen, I am back from my little sojourn to the capital. For you it was probably a welcome break from my nagging, but for me, it was a two day business meeting which kept ridiculous hours. I don’t really mind early starts or late finishes, but when you have to have both plus an evening out on the town, then it does tend to wring you out a touch.

In one of those strange paradoxes, I find London would be great if it wasn’t for all of the other annoying people who always seem to want to travel on the same trains and buses at the same time as me. (Note 1). The whole experience normally nudges me towards a bad mood.

Still, I had my camera with me. I took the opportunity to grab a few shots as I traveled around. The picture above is Cannon Street so early in the morning that it actually looks pleasant. It doesn’t take long for the street to fill with workers intent on doing their crazed wilderbeast impressions.

The two shots of London above show how it transforms. The daylight picture shows London in its dreary workday attire. The other shows how it slaps on a touch of glamour and transforms itself once the sun goes down. (Note 2)

Both of those pictures are of the monument to the Great Fire of London of 1666. The Great Fire following hot on the heels (can I convince you that pun was unintentional?) of the Plague. So the City of London built the Monument I know and love - which is actually a scientific instrument in disguise. In researching this blog, I also discovered there is a second monument marking where the fire stopped.

Another monument to the Great Fire is St. Paul’s Cathedral, which was built to the design of Sir Christopher Wren. This is just one of 53 churches he designed for the re-building of London after the fire.

Oh, I never really explained the first picture. That is looking South across London Bridge of the “London Bridge is falling down…” song. Yes, I know, you really didn’t need to know that.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: If you ever want to experience one of the most appaling comutes, travel from Kings Cross Station to Bank on the Northern Line. At peak times it is difficult to believe that so many people could be crammed into the same steel casing of hot, fetid air. Even more amazing the whole journey is conducted without acknowledging the person with their nose in your armpit. Oh, if you are a Harry Potter fanatic, Kings Cross Station is where the Hogwarts express departs from. Click to return

NOTE 2: I heard that! How was it out there who suggested that I may have used perspective to make the daylight picture look worse? As if I would. Count yourself lucky that I didn’t take pictures of the delights lurking in the alleys and in doorways. Think about them for two long and you will find it hard to maintain your grip on breakfast. Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : London ; monument ;City ; Cathedral ; St. Pauls; Dracula.

A Tree Falls in the Forest

You are truly amazing!

You wonderful, fantastic yeomen have made the last few days an emotional journey for me. Thank you. Your responses to my blog on the rather nasty, tacky world of Vulture Funds has been incredible.

The response to the story has been huge and fantastic. I have received extra comments on my blog, there have been wonderful messages of support and so many of you have taken up the cudgel on this immoral practice. (Note 1).

As the weekend has gone on I have found more and more reading material, plus I have been blessed with support from friends and friends of friends on the subject – and it has been a really great experience. However, I should point out one misconception from the outset. I cannot claim any credit for starting anything. If anyone deserves credit for bringing this to public attention it is Greg Palast. You can also watch the original TV report from BBC Newsnight from his site.

In this rather emotional ramble, I am going to try and thank everyone who has responded to my call, give you a link to some of the people who have written their own articles or had their own ideas about the topic. I shall try to answer some of the questions I’ve had and respond to comments. I will also try to restore some balance by linking to some counter arguments. (Note 2)

The biggest problem is knowing where to start. The answer is with those who have made their own blog entries.

Sean produced an alternative slant on how to get your voice heard. As well as providing some useful links to how all you fine, concerned Merkins can contact your Senators and Representatives. He also provided some links to major news organisations and some standard letters to ‘cut & paste’ asking them to give the story some prominence. While I was waiting to fully come round this morning, I followed Sean’s lead and tried to email as many news organisations as I could think of. It is amazing how many hide away their contact details. Hidden in the comments section of this blog, Kerry suggested an email address for the White House of ‘comments@whitehouse.gov’. Visiting Sean’s blog also comes with the added bonus of some excellent photography and fine commentary – so you should check it out.

Another fine blog entry came from Fuzzy Slippers. As well as being well written (as are all her blogs – even if she does seem to have an unhealthy appetite for giant sprouts) there are some excellent links included both to learn more about the topic and to get your voice heard.

Despite being pipped in the contest for a Gold Star, (Note 3), Nikki D made a passionate plea for you all add your hoarse whisper to ours so that it becomes a roar. This plea being all the more heart warming because Nikki attended the “Make Poverty History” march back in 2005.

Kerry was one of the first to make her voice heard. She has set up a petition on ipetitions to highlight the problem. Anyone can sign this petition there are no exceptions – so if you haven’t already, please could you spare some time to add your name and comments?

There are others out there who have made the own contributions, updated blasts, signed petitions and fired off emails. All of which helps spread the word about this immoral practice – the more people who know about this the better!!! (Oh No!! I’ve taken to using multiple exclamation marks!!!! Someone pass the Dried Frog Pills, quick!!!!!).

Whatever your desiccated amphibian supplement of choice, the truth is that the powers will only take action if enough voices are heard. So the more people you can tell about this the better. So, please, spread the word.

If you haven’t already, please sign the ipetition - anyone can sign.

If you are a British resident or a British citizen living abroad, you can add your name to the petitions on the Number 10 website. Such is the delight of technology, there has ended up with more than one petition and you can find them here and here. If you can spare the time please sign both.

So where are we with all of this? Well, on the ipetition there are 53 signatures. On the Number 10 petitions there are 35 signatures on one petition and 24 on the other. In short – there is still more work to do! Hey, I even tried opening a question on Yahoo answers.

OK, I haven’t forgotten. I said I would offer you a counter argument on Vulture funds – well, here it is.

I shall end with a couple of other interesting links to the Jubilee Debt Campaign, a chance to email Donegal International to ask them not to collect the debt. Plus a chance to email Gordon Brown, the UK Chancellor (and some believe the next UK Prime Minister), to ask him to do something about it. I know I must be sounding boring now, but if you can spare the time… yackety, yackety.

Sorry I keep banging on about this, but my blood is still boiling.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: This cudgel being a short heavy stick used to beat people rather Nightswerve’s Velvet Cudgel which has the effect of transporting you to idealised realities where it is highly unlikely that such things as Vulture Funds would ever get to see the light of day. Click to return

NOTE 2: Such is the response, I’m not sure I will ever be able to thank everyone individually for responding. Such is the amount of reading, I am not at all sure that I have seen all of the contributions to the debate. Such is the emotion, I doubt that I have been able to remain objective. Click to return

NOTE 3: Nikki should have been a shoo in for a Gold Star. Her stint as milk monitor saw one of the most efficient distributions of dairy products EVAR. Despite being on of the best pencil sharpeners in the 360 world, she still failed to get her reward. Even though she suffered this injustice she manages to think of others. Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : Vulture Funds ; petition ;debt ; Make Poverty History ; relief; Dracula.

Your Help Please

Will of the People versus Personal Profit.

Yesterday you got a very long rambling blog that talked about voting, democracy in action – and introduced you to the rather nasty, tacky world of Vulture Funds.

Well, my concerned yeomen, today I return to the topic. (Note 1)

You may not realise this, but when someone defaults on a debt, the person who is owed the money may decide that it is effectively lost and that they have no chance of seeing their money. Banks can call this bad debt and write it off against tax. (Note 2) Before they do this, the banks can pursue payment through various means including the courts and debt recovery agencies.

Another option is to sell the debt for pennies on the pound to another company who will then seek to recover the full amount of the debt plus expenses. These companies are forced to be more aggressive about collecting the debt.

The ‘Vulture Funds’ buy the really big debts from corporations and countries and then go after the debt very aggressively indeed using high powered lawyers and accountants.

The Make Poverty History campaign targeted the G8 Summit in Scotland when Tony Blair chaired the event. Bono and Bob Geldof managed to wring out some concessions from the leaders of the industrialized nations to provide debt relief for the poorest countries who were showing a commitment towards democracy and freedom.

Zambia was on nation that was identified as one of the beneficiaries of that Debt Relief – but that doesn’t worry the Vulture Funds.

The BBC Newsnight program broke the story how the Vulture Funds were putting all of that work at risk by going after the full amount of debts that were due to be written off. At the actual High Court Hearing, the judge found in favour of the Vulture Fund.

The ‘Vulture Funds effectively wiped out any of the benefits Zambia would feel from International debt Relief this year. Millions of Zambians would not see the benefits of improved infrastructure health care and education.

The owners of the Vulture Funds can rub their hands with glee as several millions dollars are added to the millions already in their bank accounts.

This is where I ask you nicely for your help (Pretty Please).

Kerry has set up a petition on ipetitions. Please could you spare some time to add your name and comments to the petition?

Stormscrossing left a comment in the original blog entry with some links to the Jubilee Debt Campaign. Among the interesting links he gave were a chance to email Donegal International to ask them not to collect the debt. Plus a chance to email Gordon Brown, the UK Chancellor (and some believe the next UK Prime Minister), to ask him to do something about it. It would be great if you could spare the time to add your name to those campaigns.

Then, you are a British resident (citizenship is not required), you can add your name to the petitions on the Number 10 website. Such is the delight of technology, there has ended up with more than one petition and you can find them here and here (There maybe more yet – I’ll keep the list updated).

IMPORTANT : The number 10 website sends you an email to confirm your email address. Some junk mail filters treat this email as spam. If you don’t get a confirmation email with a link to confirm your signature – please check in your junk mail folder!

Sorry for taking up so much of your time, but I feel this is important. I hope you do too.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: You will be pleased to know that this does not take the form of a test as I threatened yesterday. This isn’t out of any misplaced goodwill on my part, but because I am going to ask you to pledge a little of your time and energy to try to get our leaders to take action. Click to return

NOTE 2: So if a bank does a really bad job of assessing risk on a loan or doesn’t check that the loan can be repaid properly, they end up paying less tax – which means that governments have to get tax revenue elsewhere. So when banks lend badly we end up paying more!. Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : Vulture Funds ; petition ;debt ; Make Poverty History ; relief; Dracula.

Pressed Vinyl Cracked by Fluffy Slipper

Gloriously Bytesize.

Dateline Ohio, Sunday 25th February.

Welcome, my fine yeomen, to the breaking story of the decade.

Amazing scenes are unfolding in Southern Ohio. Late yesterday, reports started to trickle in to the news agencies of pillars of cloud signaling the way to a small, unassuming and usually quiet street on the outskirts of town. As the sun sank in the West, the last few rays seemed to ignite the clouds and turn them into pillars of fire. (Note 1)

This network can exclusively reveal the REAL reason behind the exciting phenomenon.

Here, in typical Mid-Western suburbia a Yahoo 360 milestone will crumble to dust.

Inside a typical all American (with a hint of Welsh) home, a mild-mannered domestic goddess will rip off her fluffy slippers and share with the world her world famous pancakes.

Already queues are forming around the block. The black and whites tried to cordon off the area, but in scenes reminiscent of Close Encounters of the Third Kind people scrabbled through open country to join the queues. (Note 2)

The President mobilized the National Guard to help keep order, but for some reason they all set off for Oregon.

Thankfully, the queues are generally well mannered and behaved. Queue jumping is being punished by being placed in a large homemade cage with two young children, a TV and a Barney video.

The world waits.

Any open space in the area has been claimed by large outside broadcast trucks. The world’s media are fighting to set up their cameras in the best vantage points.

All of the major networks are here - except the Evil Murdoch Empire who found their cameras all turned to waffles and that someone poured Maple Syrup in their gas tanks.

The red carpet at the Kodak theatre is deserted as people rush of to the real hot ticket destination in Ohio.

When the first egg is cracked you will hear it here first!!

Congratulations Kerry (and to Charlie for 10000 comments). Sorry if I didn’t take it seriously.

Also, Sorry to hear that Voluptuous One is feeling a touch bruised after deciding to treat her car like dodgem – get well soon.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: That’s the problem with the air quality in some of our cities today. One carelessly discarded sunbeam causes an aerial conflagration of almost biblical proportions. Click to return

NOTE 2: Indeed, I found myself waking up early and for no apparent reason making models of typical American homes out of mashed potato. Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : Humour ; Close Encounters ;Pancakes ; Kerry ; Murdoch; Dracula.

See How Far it has Come?

No Compromise?

Good yeomen, I have decided to post more often. However, to achieve that, I will need to introduce a new ‘Bytesize Blog’ entry. These will be shorter versions of my normal entry that allow me to sketch out a synaptic short circuit rather than provide the full oil portrait. (Note 1)

Today, in Dublin there is a game of rugby that proves so many Englishmen wrong. Not just in a “Whoops! Pass the rubber” wrong but in a “Pass the ketchup I’ve got to eat my hat” kind of way.

Today Ireland will host England in the Rugby Six Nations Championship at Croke Park.

Croke Park was built on the site of the first Bloody Sunday. It is such a symbol of Irish Nationalism that up until recently, only Gaelic sports have been played there.

Surely if there were any doubts over the Irish Peace Process, this must dispel them? I’m struggling to find a parallel for the symbolism behind the event. The game this afternoon would be like the Northern Irish Orange Order inviting Gerry Adams to march with them carrying the Irish National Flag. (Note 2)

If you do hear a Unionist claiming that the Irish Nationalists are not compromising over issues in the peace process (yes, there are still issues) – remind them of today.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: I hope you can forgive me for this, but the writing of the full blog entries now takes me hours. There isn’t just the writing, but the research – and it is the research that is the killer. There are all the links you see (which all have to be read) plus those you don’t (which are still read before they are discarded). Then there are the synaptic tangents that take me on little journeys that fill a whole evening. Click to return

NOTE 2: If Ian Paisley ever does invite Gerry Adams to take part in an Orange Day parade carrying the Irish National Flag then I will eat my hat – WITHOUT KETCHUP! Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : Rugby ; Croke Park ;Ireland ; England ; Peace Process; Dracula.