Showing posts with label BBC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BBC. Show all posts

Sunday, May 27, 2007

May The Farce Be With You


I’m going to make you a star!

A very British view.



I have to say sorry to all my pasteurised yeomen for having to split my Cannes film blog over two different days. The truth is that there was just so many different synapses sparking, I just couldn’t fit everything in!



Still, if you all maintaining that comfortable and serene air associated with being watertight, I shall attempt to continue with the synaptic chunder. (Note 1)


Ever since I can remember, people have talked about ‘The British Film Industry’ with a kind of hushed reverence usually reserved for a much loved national icon admitted to a hospice.



The British Film industry seems to be in a perpetual state of decline that will result in its demise. Then, just as people start to dust off the memorabilia for eBay, along comes a Four Weddings, a Train Spotting, Full Monty or Love Actually that somehow allows the industry to stagger from its deathbed and wheeze its way through a few more years. (Note 2)


We tend to overlook the fact that us Brits are quite good at making movies. In fact, we have a track record of producing some of the biggest movies of all time.


Hmmm, there are a few sceptical glances coming my way – especially from my Merkin readers.



The West Country’s answer to Arnold Schwarzenegger, David Prowse. This ex-bodybuilder who became famous as the Green Cross Code Man.

You may have noticed that this week saw the amazing anniversary of the first Star Wars film. You may not have realised it, but that film was made in Britain – but is not considered a British film. David Prowse, an Englishman, played one of the most famous characters in that film, Darth Vader. (Note 3)


If that doesn’t convince you, then remember that the James Bond films are made at Pinewood Studios.


The thing is that making films is an expensive business. The only people who can afford to make huge blockbusters are the big entertainment corporations. They have the money and will make their films wherever offers them the best deal. The cost of the films can influence their content. Film making is a business and the aim of the business is to make money. So the plots of films has more to do with encouraging people to watch than to try and break new ground or educate.


Which is why the big film companies back their films with big publicity budgets and why the big blockbusters get all the column inches in the entertainment papers.


Obi Wan Kenobi in an early role in the Ealing comedy, The Ladykillers.

The bigger the business, the more money they have to spend and the bigger risks they can afford to take. Sadly, this means that in Britain we cannot match the risks and the budgets of the big multinationals like Sony. Without risk, there is no reward and we can only watch in disgust as our good ideas such as the Ealing Comedy, The Ladykillers is remade by the big studios.


Ironically, the Ealing studios which made the famous Ealing comedies was sold to the BBC in 19955, the year that saw the original and acclaimed ‘Ladykillers’ film hit cinemas. Perhaps it is due to unique way that the BBC is funded by use of a licence fee rather than the need to obtain funding from commercials that allows the BBC to produce and air challenging programs.


If you have the time and you actually have the access rights, I suggest that you have a look at The idea that they will re-make the St Trinian’s franchise fills me with both Andrew Marr’s History of Modern Britain. If you cannot actually see the program, then you can have a look at the BBC Website associated with the series.


The first episode used the satire of the Ealing comedies to illustrate some of the different events in Britain after World War Two. It is an amazing story that starts only a dozen or so years before I was born – and yet I learned so much. If you can, I thoroughly recommend you watch it.




From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.



NOTE 1: I’m beginning to think I may have stumbled over a new classic. I think that is so much better than the rather old and boring cliché of “If you are sitting comfortably, I’ll begin…” Perhaps I should start a campaign to make it compulsory at all public library reading hours. Click to return



NOTE 2: Although such is the state of mind of us Brits that as soon as a film becomes a commercial success, we feel the need to ridicule it and generally belittle any achievement. I have no explanation why this is my effervescent yeomen. It is just the way of the Brits. We will cheer the underdog until we are puce in the face and our throats are red raw – but as soon as the underdog becomes a winner we cannot wait to bring them crashing down. Click to return



NOTE 3: David Prowse hails from the English West Country. His natual accent is a lovely West Country lilt, which is often stereotyped as being that of a country farmer. Poor David Prowse became nicknamed as Darth Farmer as a result. If you follow this link, you will see what I mean as it allows you to link to an interview with him. Just close your eyes and imagine Darth Vader – it soesn’t really work. Click to return





Oh dear, I appear to have missed out a cryptic clue. I am truly sorry. Never mind, I am sure that my firm-thighed yeomen will still be able to continue our little synaptic romp.

I think most people have the answer now, so I shall slip a nice easy clue in.



Please remember Alan Johnston who is still held hostage in Gaza after ten weeks. Freedom of the press to report what is happening is a cornerstone to all our freedoms.


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Monday, December 18, 2006

Seasonal Water Shortage


Christmas decorations in Oundle.

I suppose I should start making the occasional nod towards the season.




I wish to throw myself upon the mercy of my good yeomen and make a staggering admission. I cannot spell. I’m thankful for the spellcheckers included on computers because without them I doubt any of you would understand a word of my ramblings. (Note 1) All of this means that I am not particularly good at noticing poor spelling from others. I can meander along in almost blissful ignorance of poor spelling from others.


Yet last night even I spotted an absolute howler! On the BBC no less! Songs of Praise last night broadcast a candle lit carol service. There is nothing like belting out a few carols to put you in the mood for Christmas and to start to build the appetite for numerous different turkey dishes.



Blood red sky over Portman Road

If, like me, you find yourself in the mood for a few Karaoke carols, turn up the speakers on your PC and CLICK HERE for one of the very best. (Note 2) The nice man at the BBC (the very nice man, the very, very nice man), knowing that tens of thousands of people are sat at home singing along to the carols – provides subtitles. I was doing my bit, but suddenly collapsed into a quivering, giggling heap when the lyric was shown as :-


”Nowell, Nowell, Nowell, Nowell, Born is the King of Israel.”


It looks like global warming is impacting on Christmas. Oh, and if you are wondering, I got red squiggles under Nowell but Noel passed the spellchecker.


Ctrl+CLICK HERE


Now there is a challenge for the Yahoo 360 update. If I got that right you should have a little music to get you in the mood for a little retail retaliation.



If you have a man in your life who has everything or, if you come from Bishop Auckland, maybe I can offer up a suggestion to aid you on your Christmas shopping? Perhaps I can offer up this tasteful delight. (Note 3).


This delightful lady has had a profound effect on our lives and is considered to be a leading light in her field. December 9th saw the centenary of her birth.

And finally, Cyril, I should not leave you to go on your merry way without providing you with the answer to yesterday’s homework. I’m not exactly sure that I should – after all there wasn’t what you call a flood of completed answers on my desk this morning. At least Patterson Minor had the courtesy to come up with an excuse, but not a particularly good one given that the digestive tract of the Hebridean Salamander just couldn’t cope with a whole exercise book.


You already know that that sweet old lady shown above is Commander Grace Hopper of the US Navy. She is affectionately known as the “mother” of COBOL - the most widely used programming language on computer mainframes. The article is well worth a read.




From 14th June, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.



NOTE 1: My reliance on the spell checker is such that I write all of my blogs (HTML tags and all) in Word before I copy them to Yahoo or my mirrorblog. When I first started doing this, I thought the red squiggly underlining was something to do with someone leaving the crayons lying about and the stupid paperclip getting bored and doodling all over the page. Click to return



NOTE 2: I just love the way that people insist on portraying Polar Bears as lovely cuddly little beasts. These animals are classified as man’s only predator. Although that little gif shows them smiling and skating around the curvaceous figure skater, in real life she would very quickly become Christmas Dinner for the bears. And if you think that I am being morbid and spoiling the spirit of Christmas then CLICK HERE. Click to return



NOTE 3: Struggling with that Bishop Auckland comment? Allow me to put you out of the misery and direct you to the reviews section for that marvel of modern consumerism. I only hope that Kelly’s boyfriend realises what he is letting himself in for and is taking the vitamin tablets. Click to return




The cute little bird is still here. He’s drinking at the bar because there is no well for him to get water.

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