When I See You Out and About It's Such a Crime

Here is part 35 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. As the track title is so easy today, I have not chosen a picture relating to the artist. Instead I have found this fantastic idea for those of you who love dunking biscuits. This astounding mug can be found here!

At this point I was going to wax lyrical about the ultimate tea dunking experience of the Tim Tam Kiss – only to find that my original blog post on that subject is somewhere in the black hole that was 360. You’ll just have to take my word on that.

The title for today’s instalment is taken from a track by an artist who celebrates a milestone birthday today. It is an easy one, but any excuse to listen to and sing along with the answer.

OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener known as Part One.    

The troublesome recap has now settled into its new home. You can find the recap here!

Now read on...

Sir Andrew gave a sigh, shook his head and leant forward. “Inspector, I wonder if I might have a few moments alone with my client.

Ten minutes later, they convened again.

“So, Dunker. Are you ready to tell me what happened?” The inspector sat back in his chair and folded his arms.

“Inspector, my client assures me that he has nothing to do with the disappearance of Mr McRamie and will co-operate fully.” Sir Andrew scowled at Dunker Phil who looked sheepishly down into his own lap.

“That will be refreshing.” Jones looked at Sir Andrew and raised an eyebrow. “In your own time then Dunker.”

“I was just clearing up in the bar when I get a call from the office and I was told to follow Archie McRamie home. He was going to pack a few things and then I was to bring him back to the club.” Dunker looked at the Inspector and then his solicitor. “I go to the car and Darrius was already in the driver’s seat so I sit beside him and we follow him. Only when we gets close to the house, he suddenly stops the car and runs off. That’s the last I saw of him, Honest, Inspector Jones, the last I saw of him he was running off down the road like a scalded ferret.”

“Back up a bit, Dunker.” Smithy interjected. “Why did you get in his car?”

“What is it your Guv’ner calls it? Gut instinct?” Dunker gave a weak laugh. “We are there at the garage, watching him put all this juice in his car and suddenly we think he might be figuring to travel further than just his house, so I go and sit with him in his car, just in case.”

“We? Just who is this we, Dunker” Inspector Jones asked.

“Darrius and me.” Dunker looked at his solicitor. “That’s why I got out of the car at the petrol station. Only McRamie wasn’t keen and we exchanged words.”

“Who was in the back of the Oldsmobile, Dunker?” Jones asked quietly.

“Nobody.” Dunker scratched his nose.

“OK.” Jones gave a sigh. “Sir Andrew, I am going to put your client back in the cells and we will interview him again later. It is clear that he is not willing to co-operate as much as you led me to believe.”

Sir Andrew scowled at his client. “My client’s memory is hampered by the stress of his arrest. I’m sure if you give him a few moments to collect his thoughts, he will be able to assist you.”

Smith and Jones leant back in their chairs and crossed their arms. A silence descended on the room as all eyes stared at Dunker Phil.

“His name is Sergei, some Russian guy.” Dunker’s shoulder’s drooped as he spoke at last.  “Apart from that I know nothin’ about him. Not seen him before. Not seen him since.”

“Yet you took orders from him.” Jones fixed Dunker with a stare.

“He was in the office, so he must be important.” Dunker threw up his hands, before adding, “besides, you don’t want to get on the wrong side of the sisters.”

The interview continued in fits and starts with the Inspector slowly extracting the full story from Dunker Phil like an arthritic dentist pulling recalcitrant molars.

Dunker and Darrius arrived at the club to find it unlocked and a ‘Do Not Disturb’ board outside the office. They didn’t know who was in the office until they got the call from Sergei telling them to follow Archie McRamie to the house.  When they pulled into the garage, they had doubts over whether Archie was going to try to get away, there had been a brief argument and Sergei had told him to travel in Archie’s car.

They were getting close to Archie’s house when Dunker’s phone rang. As Dunker fumbled to get his phone out of his pocket, Archie suddenly stopped and ran out of the car. Next thing he knew, Sergei was sprinting down the road and shouting for Dunker to wait in the Oldsmobile.

About 10 minutes later, they got another call from Sergei saying that everything was OK and they were to return to the club. So they did.

When they got back to the club, Dunker had gone to clear up the office and found three cups and plates. One of the cups had lipstick on it.

Jones looked at his notes and was about to wind up the interview when he stopped and stroked his moustache. “The club was unlocked when you arrived at 11am?”

“Yeah” Dunker nodded.

“Who holds keys for the club?” the Inspector asked

“Just the Adkins sisters and Darrius” Dunker replied.

“Thank you, Phil. Most helpful. ” Inspector Jones gave a grin and waved a finger in the air.

Lie About It Cry About It

Here is part 34 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”.

I have heard of the band, but not the title of the track in our quiz question today, so I think that most will need the answer.

OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener known as Part One.    

The troublesome recap has now settled into its new home. You can find the recap here!

Now read on...

“The Maryfield’s case folder is booked out.” Smithy stated before stuffing another sandwich into his mouth.

“Booked Out!” Jones spluttered. “Who on earth to?”

“According to the card,” Smithy swallowed hard. “It was booked out by Tom Watson for you.”

“For me?” The inspector’s voice rose almost an octave.

Opening his desk drawers in turn, Jones started to rifle the contents looking for the case folder. Smithy and Johnson watch while metronomically consuming sandwiches. After several minutes frantic searching, Jones leant back in his chair

“Well, it’s not here.” Jones stared into the middle distance.

“Maybe it’s at home?” Smithy’s suggestion was greeted by a glare from Jones.

A squeal from a miniature pig as it dashed to safety behind the filing cabinets alerted Jones to a constable entering the office.

“Sir Andrew and Phillip Dunker are ready and will see you now.” the constable announced.

“Will see us?” Jones spluttered.

“Yes, sir.” The constable’s face didn’t register any change. “Sir Andrew and Phillip are in interview room three.”

The constable turned and walked out of the office.

Very slowly and deliberately, Jones gathered up his notes, the DVD and a notepad.

“Smithy, make sure that there is a DVD player and a TV in the interview room.” Jones stroked his moustache and sat back into his chair. “Tell them I’ll be down in a minute.”

Jones played opened a game of solitaire on his computer and played several games before eventually winning. Waiting until all the cards had bounced from view; Jones rose from his chair and sauntered to the interview room.

Jones smiled broadly at Sir Andrew when he entered the room. Sir Andrew responded by pointedly looking at his watch before rising and shaking hands. They settled themselves around the table, Smithy and Jones on one side with Sir Andrew and Dunker on the other.

Switching on the tape machine, Jones ran through the formalities. When he finished, a constable in full ceremonial uniform entered with a tea tray and poured everyone a cup of tea into bone china cups from a teapot shaped like a rabbit.

Jones scowled as the constable offered a plate of biscuits around. Dunker carefully selected all the digestives and stacked them in the saucer of his cup.

“Are we all comfortable now?” Jones asked in a tone that oozed sarcasm.

“Hmmm, yeah, I think so.” Dunker wriggled in his chair. “Although I think this chair could do with a bit of re-upholstering. I know just the guy if you’re interested.”

“Inspector Jones, could I interject?” Sir Andrew boomed. “It would be beneficial at this point to re-state the reasons you felt the need to arrest my client. For the tape, you understand.”

“Certainly.” Jones took a deep breath and closed his eyes for few seconds before continuing. “We are investigating the suspicious disappearance of Archie McRamie on or around 2:30pm on the 15^th April. We believe he was abducted and that Phillip Duncan was in the immediate vicinity at the time of the disappearance.”

“I was at work” Dunker spat.

“Do you work at the Red, White and Blue Club?” Inspector asked flatly.

“Yeah” Dunker pulled himself up in his chair.

“What time do you work there?” Jones looked down at his notes.

“It’s a split shift.” Dunker grinned. “I got there just before 11 in the morning and was there till after three.”

“And you never left the club?” Jones stared at his notes.

“Nope. Vera will vouch for that.” Dunker took a biscuit and dunked it in his tea.

“So, Vera Adkins was at the club on the 15^th?”  Jones looked up.

“Phillip.” Sir Andrew cut in and leant in to Phil and whispered in his ear. “I fear that my client may be confused over the dates.”

“Really?” Jones looked Sir Andrew straight in the eyes.

“Yeah!” Dunker shrugged. “She weren’t in that day, but Darrius and the girls will vouch for me.”

“So you never left the club until 3pm?”  Jones asked quietly. “You are absolutely sure of that?”

“Yeah” Dunker dipped another biscuit in his tea.

The biscuit was withdrawn from the tea and it bowed precariously before Phil thrust it in his mouth.

“For the purpose of the tape, I am now showing Phillip Duncan a series of CCTV images timed between 2:10 pm and 2:17 pm on the 15^th April” The inspector leaned into the tape machine as he spoke.

Jones slid a copy of the DVD containing the CCTV footage over to Sir Andrew before switching on the TV and pressing play on the player.

The four of them watched the DVD in silence.

When it finished, Dunker Phil swore under his breath.

Mysteries Not Ready to Reveal

Later today, I will be off to see my very talented daughter’s degree show. Anyone out there want to commission a talented young illustrator and graphic novelist before she becomes famous and ridiculously expensive?

Anyway, I digress. What everybody really wants is to set eyes upon part 33 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”, I will not delay you further.

I actually think that the title and the picture should easily lead you to the track I pillaged the title from for this episode. Still, I will give you the answer anyway.

OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener known as Part One.    

The troublesome recap has now settled into its new home. You can find the recap here!

Now read on...

“Dunker is being booked in.” Jones jerked his head towards the custody suite. “It’ll be a few minutes before you can see him. I still don’t understand why you are here, you’re a prosecuting barrister, and this would normally be handled defence solicitors. You must know hundreds of those?”

“Normally I wouldn’t dream of trampling on this turf, but...” Sir Andrew stopped mid-flow and bit his lip. “It is just that I felt a personal obligation in this instance.”

Jones shrugged.

“Besides, it will give me a chance to see you work from the other side of the desk.” Sir Andrew slapped Jones on the arm and grinned. “You did a wonderful job on the Maryfield’s case and how you handled those defence barristers under cross examination was masterful – especially given the... err... circumstances.”

Jones looked at Sir Andrew with his head on one side. “Circumstances?”

“Well, yes. Water under the bridge, eh?” Sir Andrew shifted slightly. “Anyway, here is your sergeant. That must mean he’s ready for me. I’ll give you a call when we are ready for you.”

With that, Sir Andrew made his way into the custody suite, acknowledging Sergeant Smith as he passed.

Smithy joined Jones in the corridor “What’s he doing here?”

“He’s Dunker’s brief.” Jones shrugged. “This is very odd.”

Smithy nodded and they headed up the corridor towards their office.

“Smithy, do you remember the Maryfield’s case?” Jones gently slipped the question in as they climbed the stairs.

Smithy stopped on the stairs and made a strange clicking noise with his tongue. “Vaguely, guv. But for some reason the details are vague. It was a big bank vault heist, my first case after making sergeant. Funny how soon you forget these things.”

“Yes... funny...” Jones chewed on his lip. “Do me a favour, will you pull the file on the Maryfield’s case? I want to find out what we’ve forgotten.”

Back in the office, Smithy went to the filing area. A miniature pig squealed at his approach and shot across the office to take refuge under Tom Watson’s desk. The arrival of the porcine caused a host of butterflies, recently escaped from the forgery squad, to take to the air.

As Smithy started to go through the files, Jones rang the hospital and enquired after Tom, his injured detective.

The news was good. Jones gave a sigh of relief as he was informed that Tom was due to be discharged that day.

Jones relayed the news by shouting it across the office where it was greeted by general chatter of approval. By way of further celebration, Jones despatched Johnson to the canteen to purchase sandwiches all round.

Settling at his desk, Jones flicked idly through the collection of folders in his in basket. Two were cases of industrial generators apparently just vanishing. One was of a suspected macramé den in the outhouse of a pickled onion factory. The report of an unprovoked attack on a man in a wheelchair had Jones swearing under his breath. The last pastel folder contained a complaint about feral Girl Guides performing unwarranted first aid on a Traffic Warden.

There were also three further beige folders, all marked ‘Low Priority’. As before, all related to petty criminals being reported missing.

A large salver of sandwiches, devoid of crusts, was thrust into his line of vision. Jones looked up to see a grinning Johnson.

“I got the chef’s deluxe selection, guv.” Johnson performed the impossible and grinned wider.

Shaking his head, Jones took a couple of sandwiches.

“It’s not there, guv.” Smithy appeared besides Johnson and grabbed a couple of sandwiches.

“What’s not there?” Jones asked.

“The Maryfield’s case file. It’s not in the cabinet.” Smithy mumbled through a mouth full of fish paste sandwiches.

Jones swore under his breath.

Squint Your Eyes and Look Closer

Somewhere in the next few paragraphs of part 32 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”, you will sail through the 25000 word mark. Amazing, isn’t it?  

As the numbers get bigger, finding quiz questions becomes harder and the actual answer comes as something of a discovery even for the person setting the question!

OK, the quiz questions out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener known as Part One.    

The troublesome recap has now settled into its new home. You can find the recap here!

Now read on...

“That was a bit much, guv.” Smithy whispered to Jones as they crossed the foyer to the exit.

“Yes. Getting help from those three is like trying to catch eels while wearing boxing gloves.” Jones replied while examining the lavish plaster ceiling.

“Not them, guv. You!” Smith stopped and glared at Jones.

“Me?” Jones turned to Smithy open mouthed. “You saw them in there! Why on earth do you think it was me going over the top?”

 “They’ve just lost their father!” Smithy’s eyes glistened and he quickly ran the back of his hand across them. “You didn’t offer them any condolences or anything. It’s just a bit much!”

Smithy turned away from Jones and walked out of the club. Jones stood watching him, his head shaking slowly. He took another look at the gilded plaster ceiling, swore under his breath before following his sergeant out into his street.

Jones stood on the top step and watched Smithy taking animatedly to Brown and Johnson. He waited a while before slowly crossing the street and walking back to the Zephyr.

Jones had been leaning against the car for a couple of minutes before the three detectives joined him.

“So? Back to the station then, guv?” Smithy asked coldly.

“Not yet.” Jones continued to stare at the club. “Let’s wait for our uniform guys.”

A few minutes later the six constables walked around the corner. In the middle of the group, in handcuffs was Dunker Phil.

“Dunker! How are you?” Jones grinned and got off the car.

“Inspector Jones as I live and breathe.” Dunker scowled. “I heard that they had put you out to grass.”

For a moment, Jones’s brow furrowed and his right hand waved in the air slightly. A memory floated close to recall before vanishing again.

“Nope, still here to keep the streets clean.” Jones stroked his moustache with his forefinger. “I’m so pleased you sorted out your family emergency so quickly.”

“What emergency?” Dunker looked quizzically at the inspector.

Jones shot Smithy a look. “Phillip Duncan, I am arresting you on suspicion of the abduction of Archie McRamie on or about 15^th April. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you may later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”

Dunker gave a grunt then swore profusely as Brown and Johnson helped him into the Zephyr. Smithy and Jones waited until he was sandwiched between Brown and Johnson in the back seat before climbing into their places in the front.

They drove most of the way back to the station in silence, the sat-nav not even offering directions. Occasionally, Smithy shot Jones glances. Jones ignored him and instead studied the racing pages in the old newspaper.

“I’ve done nothin’ wrong.” Dunker suddenly stated from the back seat. “I want my brief.”

Jones pursed his lips and then inhaled slowly and noisily. “You know the drill by now, Dunker. We’ll get you settled at the station and sort all of that out.”

Back at the station, Jones and Smithy took Dunker down to the cells and ran through the formalities. Dunker glared at Jones, but said nothing. Smithy glared at Jones and also said nothing.

Jones ignored them both. With the paperwork complete, he left Smithy to finish off and started to return to his desk.

“Inspector Jones! How are you?” A deep baritone voice filled the corridor.

Jones looked up and found he was facing a short, rotund man with a ruddy face and gleaming grey eyes. The man’s sparse dark hair had been greased and manipulated to try and give the impression of providing full coverage of his scalp.

 “Sir Andrew.” Jones spoke quietly and broke out in a huge grin as he pumped the hand offered by the lawyer. “Sir Andrew Witherspoon, as I live and breathe. What on earth brings you here? I would have thought you would be snowed under at the Old Bailey.”

“Ahhh, yes. Normally I would spend all my time at the bar.” The barrister gave a chuckle at his own pun. “But, I have been asked to perform a very special favour for a particular client. So, I’m slumming it at the sharp end to represent one Phillip Duncan. Do you know where I can find him?”

Inspector Jones swore under his breath.

He's my confectionary ice cream Joe

The horror! Due to some strange twists in the fabric of reality, I have discovered that I have somehow managed to get a mismatch between the numbering of the parts on my blog and on my manuscript!

So, my fine yeomen, we find ourselves visiting part 31 of “A Couple of Tenors Short” for a second time. Rest assured that although the part numbers are the same, the actual content is different. Yes, I know, I have been a naughty boy. I shall be seeking volunteers to administer the spanking later.

It does make it rather difficult with the title, picture and quiz question. I fear you are left with an absolute stinker related the number 31.

It seems to be a tradition now that I also give you the answer. Yes, it was so obscure I couldn’t find the actual song, but the group are better known for this.

OK, the quiz questions out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener known as Part One.    

The troublesome recap has now settled into its new home. You can find the recap here!

Now read on...

Violet Adkins glided across the thick pile carpet and gestured to a chair opposite Vera Adkins. “Please, take a seat, inspector.”

Jones thanked her and sat down in the chair. Smithy sat at end of the table, three seats down from Jones. Violet walked round the table and took a seat next to Vera.

“I’d like to say it is a pleasure to meet you again, Inspector” Vera spoke icily, raised an eyebrow and paused before adding. “How can we help you?”

“We are investigating a suspicious disappearance. “Jones rested his arms on the table and clasped his hands together. “We believe that one of your employees may be able to help with our enquiries.”

“I can assure you that we run a legitimate business here, inspector.” Vera’s voice cracked slightly. “We would not sanction...”

Her voice trailed off when Violet gripped her arm.

“I’m not suggesting otherwise, Ms Adkins.” Jones smiled broadly. “However, we have reason to believe that one of your employees was a material witness to the disappearance and was seen in the area in a black Oldsmobile registered to Horace Adkins Entertainment Ltd. We would just like ask Dunker Phil a few questions.”

“The Oldsmobile is a general pool car, inspector.” Vera looked at him through narrowed eyes. “If it is not in use for clients or the family, employees can use it.”

“So I understand.” Jones gave Vera a smile. “Do you keep a log of the journeys by any chance?”

“No, inspector.” Veronica spoke for the first time. “Our clients often appreciate our discretion when it comes to publicity and the like. So we do not make their comings and goings a matter of record.”

There was a knock on the door and a young girl dressed as a French maid entered carrying a tray of tea. She brushed against Jones as she placed it on the table and when he caught her eye she gave him a wink.

A few moments later, The Baker entered with a tray of sandwiches and cake. He glared at Jones and then announced he’d been unable to find Dunker Phil. Violet instructed him to keep looking.

The maid served tea.

“Milk and sugar, inspector?” Violet asked sweetly. “And your... companion?”

The made stiffened and looked at Jones and then Smithy. She hurriedly served the tea with milk and sugar without waiting for any response. After placing the cups in front of the policemen, she rushed from the room.

“I see.” Jones slowly took a sip of tea. “Last Thursday afternoon, the 14^th. Do you happen to know who was using the car then?”

“I’m afraid we cannot help, inspector.” Violet smiled at Jones without glancing at her sisters.

“That is a shame.” Jones smiled sweetly in return. “Simply for the record, you understand, could three of you confirm where you where on Thursday afternoon?”

“Of course we can, Inspector.” Veronica spoke and gave a little start as Vera dug her in the ribs with an elbow. “We were hosting a few friends at Newmarket races.”

“Thank you.” Jones stroked his moustache. “Has any of you seen Archie McRamie recently?”

“Who?” Vera looked at her sisters in turn.

“He’s the writer fellow who did father’s book.” Violet patted Vera’s arm. “He was at one of Adkin’s Brewery’s publicity events a couple of weeks ago, I chatted to him briefly.”

“Oh yes, that’s right.” Veronica chipped in. “I saw him a couple of days later at some drinks party, but we didn’t speak.”

The phone on the table behind the Adkins sisters rang. Vera answered it and spoke briefly.

“Oh dear.” She turned back and gave the inspector a tight lipped smile. “It appears that Dunker has a family emergency to deal with and has travelled up North somewhere to handle it. I’m afraid it won’t be possible for you to talk with him.”

“How... unfortunate.” Jones rose from his seat. “I’m so grateful for your time.”

“Oh please, inspector.” Violet pushed the plate of cakes toward him. “You must try one of Darrius’s creations. They’re to die for you know.”

Jones looked at the plate and then deep into Violet’s eyes before declining the offer. Turning on his heel, he strode out of the room. Smithy scampered along behind. As Jones shut the door, he heard the three sisters burst out laughing.