I am not dead.

I should point out to everyone that I am not dead. OK, so some parts of me don’t function as quickly as they did when I was younger, but all my bits are still in place and in working order (See Note 1).


However, I do realise that I haven’t posted much for a while. Poor Inspector Jones is still being perplexed by the odd and Archie McRamie is still missing. In fact, there has been very little movement or signs of activity anywhere on these pages.

The reason is that I have a new job in London. For you Merkins, London is the big city where the Queen lives. However, nobody there speaks like Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins – unless they are an American who is trying to blend in with the crowd. (See Note 2).

So while, I’m at this, I should cover off a few other bases for our Merkin cousins. In my time in London, I haven’t seen a pearly king or pearly queen. There are not handcarts selling roasted chestnuts on every corner. Even though I work in the very heart of the city, I am not required by statute to wear a bowler hat (See Note 3). Chimney sweeps are noticeable by their absence and there hasn’t been a foggy day in old London town that I have noticed.

It is all a bit like believing what you see on Fox News or read in one of Murdoch’s Evil Empire newspapers. Part of you really wants to believe the myth you are presented with, but the reality is far more mundane, ordinary and less likely to put money in News International’s back pocket.

Anyway, I am continuing along my own sweet way. I will be posting the next part of “A Couple of Tenors Short” when I have finished doing some major edit work on the manuscript.

So until then, have fun everyone and.....




Note 1: All that is except for my appendix which is long gone. According to Wikipedia, this isn’t a great loss. Never being a member of the eats, shoots and leaves brigade, I have never really missed the thing.


Note 2: Speaking like Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins while in London doesn’t help you blend in. In fact, if you dress up in a lime green, spandex body suit, wear fairy lights and talk to fellow passengers on the tube you will blend in better.

Note 3: I would caution anybody visiting London to avoid people wearing bowler hats. The only people I have seen wearing the things are invariably trying to part tourists from their Sterling.