Grabbed by the Canonicals

The Long and the Short of it.

Forgive me my Canonical Yeomen, for I have sinned it has been forty-five days since I last posted an entry. Oh my! It doesn’t seem possible that I have somehow gone that long without actually posting anything.

It is not that I have a very good excuse. All I have done is change jobs (Note 1)and for some strange reason all of the opportunities to divert my rambunctious yeomen into alternative realities seem to have dried up. It doesn’t look particularly hopeful that I will be finding much time to wallow in my alternative reality for a while – but I will try to pop in, maybe post a short piece and visit a few of your pages. All I can say is that I am Sorry I haven’t been giving you all the attentions you deserve and even if I do resolve to do better, I’m not sure that I will find the time to do so.

While I have been away from you all, there have been numerous opportunities to get my synapses sparking and the old blog juices seeping from every pore.

There were the serious stories like that of Alan Johnston, who after 114 days of captivity was released by his kidnappers. (Note 2) Some of you may have noticed the little banner I have kept at the bottom of my blog as part of the massive international publicity campaign organised to try and secure his release.

There is probably an interesting debate about the benefits of publicity in kidnapping cases. At the moment five British men are being held in Iraq by kidnappers. They have had very little publicity and remain in captivity. Indeed when an Anglican Priest tried to intervene he was forced to flee Iraq.

So please, even though Alan Johnston is released, please remember that there are other hostages being held across the world.

While I was away, I missed the opportunity for a long and vociferous rant against caravans when the Caravan Club reached its centenary. Still, now that has reached 100 years old, perhaps they’ll all put there mobile tin cans away and give us our roads back. Either that, or be introduced to John Robert Patterson.

Also while I was away, we appear to have a new British Prime Minister. Young Tony Blair, did a flit in the middle of the night leaving the rent unpaid and no forwarding address. Luckily, Gordon was only next door and has offered to step in to the breach for while. (Note 3).

Oh well, I missed the chance I suppose. I shall just have to suck it up and wait for another chance to write about the topics.

In the meantime, you will have to forgive me as I have some bread to make. It wouldn’t do to turn up at the firework concert without my rustic rolls.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: Not that I will blog anything to do with my new job. It can be rather career limiting if you wander of on a synaptic tangent making humorous asides about your boss or to tell people what really goes into those yummy Belgium Chocolates. Not that I am working for a company that produces Belgium Chocolates or anything exciting like that. To be honest, you could sit there from dawn to sunset guessing what my new company produces and will probably draw a complete blank. Click to return

NOTE 2: And top among his priorities after being released was getting a haircut – he says to get rid of that ‘just kidnapped’ look. I can understand that. I have just been to have my hair cut and even though it was only 5 weeks since my last visit, I feel so much better. My scalp is positively tingling after the ministrations of my barber. Click to return

NOTE 3: I’m not at all sure that I know what to make of Gordon Brown. He seems to be doing things rather differently. It could be that we have a real reforming Prime Minister on our hands. It will never last. Politicians that try to actually do something never last long. Click to return

The little glittery box remains. This was my post from one year ago today.

TECHNORATI TAGS : Sorry ; Caravans ; Brown ; Hostages ; Haircut.

You're Driving Me Crasi!

Definitely multi-pupose - not only an extension.

I should start off with a confession. I am really on the move today and I wasn’t going to post anything. Sadly, Evar has other ideas. He feels that I need to continue to harass my blissful yeomen with another cryptic clue.

Evar also decided that I need to take my position as patron of CRASI (Campaign to Release Alternate Sorry to the Internet) more seriously. I was enjoying a nice quiet pint in the ‘Rat and Ferret’ when he started to harangue me. What was worse, Sid and Mattress Madge supported him.

I tried to explain that being a patron is an honorary thing. I don’t really have to do much apart from turn up for a few free lunches, press the flesh and pose for a few photographs. (Note 1). I fought tooth and nail against the idea, but in the end was swayed when Madge, leant forward, jiggled her ample charms and suggested that I might get onto the guest list for a few Embassy Dinners - definitely a step up from blagging a free ploughmans from ‘The Bladdered Nun’ (Another fine watering hole in our fine town).

Having seen me relent, Evar wandered off to continue his experimentation in the effects of Viagra on small mammals, leaving me to explain CRASI to a growing band of perplexed yeomen.

It seems that if you glue legs on a gag and teach it to run – the aforementioned gag also grows razor sharp teeth and develops infinite patience. When your attention wanders off and your guard is down, the gag turns and bites you in the most delicate of areas.

The more observant amongst you may have noticed that I liberally sprinkle links in my post. For the most part these kind of tie in with what I’m posting about, but occasionally I just throw in an odd link that whisks you away at random. One of those random links was to a rather clever video someone posted of them saying sorry. Working on the principle that you cannot have too much of a good thing, I repeated the link to the point of driving previously sane people to develop the desire to stick hot needles into their eyes.

Eventually, Sean cracked and produced his own version of the and the sorry video. But since then, the gag runs on and on and on and on and on and on alternating the two – probably due to an advanced case of irony. (Note 2)

The good news is that we now have CRASI! This is your chance to be avenged and grab your chance to expand on the repertoire of the sorry videos. Just drop Sean a message with the URL (Oh, OK Evar – you can give me the URL as well, but I won’t be able to watch the video!) and you can rest secure in the knowledge that you will have people drooling and gibbering across the globe!

Go on! You know you want to. It’s much safer than a daytrip to the zoo.

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: Not that I like posing for photographs, but I am a sucker for a free lunch. The only thing better than lunch is a when you don’t have to pay for it. Click to return

NOTE 2: The irony being that I cannot play videos on my machine that require the Macromedia Flash Player. Whenever I enable the Flash Player, my browser window will crash within a few minutes. So, I’ve given up trying to watch any YouTube content, it is just too much hassle. So those of you who post a lot of videos now know why I don’t ever comment on them. Just pity the fool. Click to return

You obviously need more cryptic clues. So far, the synapse sparking has been noticeable by its absence. Today I give you the British Ukulele Orchestra in full regalia. If all of this is still confusing you, then I am truly sorry.

TECHNORATI TAGS : Sorry ; Evar ; Zoo ; CRASI ; Viagra.

The Minefield That Is Statistics

Can you believe the signs? Do you really want to prove it wrong?

My perfumed yeomen, you could hardly believe it possible, but someone left the cat flap unlocked and Sunday has sneaked in, slipped a patented Nightswerve’s Hangover Inducer into my early morning tea and slapped me around the face with a turbot. I’m afraid that I am not at my glittering best. My body is racked by an almost critical case of man flu while somehow last night I managed to overdose on dried frog pills, alcohol and curry. Such is my delicate nature at the moment, I could be forgiven for hallucinating or slipping off to an alternate reality and teach temperance to elephants.

Thankfully, I spotted my statistical highlight yesterday, before I decided to over indulge. The Yahoo Statistics Goblin has decided that my 360 page has had 100 000 views! (Note 1) Thank you for your congratulations, it all helps against the jack-hammer operating on my temples. Given that Yahoo has chosen to keep the ‘interesting’ label sewn into my underpants, I shouldn’t be too surprised. I imagine that I get a number of the curious drop by, shake their heads in disbelief and hurriedly move on.

Yet, I have also managed to acquire a wonderful and diverse set of friends along the way who have stayed amazingly loyal to my synaptic meanderings – even when I fail to read their blogs or forget to respond to their comments due to some poorly timed synaptic tangent. I thank you all from the depths of my heart – you are all truly amazing and I am humbled that you chose me as a friend.

At this point, I should now go through a huge long list of thank-you’s to all my friends. I should single each of you out in turn, link to your pages and offer up a paragraph or two in praise of your talents – but I won’t. (Note 2)

To get added to my friends list is a very difficult affair. If you don’t have a picture in a profile, you don’t get added. If you don’t spend a little effort on introducing yourself on the invite, you don’t get added. If your page hasn’t been updated in a while, you don’t get added. Yet, if I find your page interesting, then I will add you even if it is in a language I cannot read. This is why my friends list contains people from around the globe (I seem to have a number from Vietnam and Iran for some reason).

On this rather special occasion, I would like to draw your attention to one blog in particular, that of MINH NGOC. I find the photographs there absolutely amazing and well worth a look.

The fact that I am able to easily include a photograph by Minh Ngoc into my blog highlights a problem with the internet – the easy availability of material.

Earlier this week, I came across a story on the BBC website about Rebekka Gudleifsdóttir who had some photographs she posted on her Flickr page lifted and sold without her knowledge. On her blog she writes about her experience and also includes some hints and tips on how to avoid falling victim if you wish to make money from photos on Flickr.

I suppose that plagiarism will always be a problem and that the internet just makes life that little bit easier. I just hope that if we ever spot our friends being ripped off in that way we will let them know – not that I have the slightest idea what you would do about it!

From 14th June 2006, the industry standard Crozzy Standard has been applied to footnotes.

NOTE 1: Now if you are reading this on my mirror blog This probably doesn’t make any sense to you whatsoever. For this I issue the sincerest sorry I can muster. I will then remind you of the Campaign to Alternate Sorry to the Internet (CRASI) started by Sean. Apparently I am patron of this effort, so I urge you all to say sorry often in your blogs and ensure that you link to a sorry video. And if anybody out there has any other videos that you think we should be linking to – please let me or Sean know! Click to return

NOTE 2: Sadly, I do not have the energy for that right now and I am not at all sure just how long my churning innards will allow me to sit in front of my computer. Given how long it took to produce the list of the various coloured whelks, it is probably better that I work in short sharp bursts and wander outside occasionally to relieve the pressure by expelling unwanted gasses. Yes, I realise that this is just too much information for a Sunday morning. Click to return

TECHNORATI TAGS : Milestone ; Friends ; Plagiarism ; Sorry ; Photographs.