From a Feint Into a Slip and Kicking From the Hip

2010-08-24T12:03:00.000+01:00

I am eternally grateful to the loyal band of readers who are sticking with my serial, “A Couple of Tenors Short”. I must admit is was concerned that people would lose interest or become so totally baffled they would drift away, but looking at the statistics of my site yesterday, I realise that despite the difficulties posed by the way I have chosen to publish it, people are sticking with it.

Oh God Said to Abraham 'Kill Me a Son'

2010-08-19T15:30:00.000+01:00

Hot on the heels of Part 60 comes Part 61 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. I had considered introducing some kind of random numbering system or perhaps start giving the various parts names like they do with hurricanes, but I resisted – for the moment at least.You remember that writing stint yesterday? When I rattled off

I'm Not Here To Entertain You

2010-08-18T14:48:00.000+01:00

Here is the mini-milestone that is Part 60 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. I’m just recovering from a writing stint that has taken my breath away. I’ve just sat down and rattled 1500 words in no time at all. Convinced that it would be full of drivel, typos and waffle, I just reviewed and haven’t had to change as much of an

Well, I wonder which song they're gonna play when we go.

2010-08-16T15:48:00.000+01:00

Time to share with the world part 59 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Looking at my outline, it seems that there is still a lot to write, but I have so far completed over 50 000 words (Although I have posted a bit less than that). I spent some time at the weekend reading back what I have written and decided that the beginning is a little flabby and needs a ferocious edit – yet there are a couple

The Way You Talk, The Things You've Done

2010-08-13T16:28:00.002+01:00

Part 58 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. I keep rattling away at this. Amazing really, I suppose at some stage I should consider what I should do with it once it is complete. I have already started to cast the TV mini-series in my head, but I am rather stuck over who should play Smithy.You will be pleased to know that life

The Sun Shone In, The Glint In Your Eye.

2010-08-12T17:06:00.000+01:00

Part 57 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Nothing much to add today, I just wanted to post the next episode. I’m not sure about today’s quiz question. The answer seems somehow familiar, but I don’t know if that makes it any easier. Mind you, I think the name is ace.OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra.

Don't Treat Me Like A Lab Rat, Dom Joly.

2010-08-11T13:20:00.000+01:00

That picture above is of Dominic John Romulus Joly, popularly known as “Dom” Joly. On his Wikipedia page, Dom Joly is described as a comedian, columnist and broadcaster. It must be true; it is on Wikipedia (See Note 1).My regular voracious yeomen, may have been expecting me to share with you the next thrilling instalment of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Sadly, thanks to Mr Joly there, I have found

Politicians Scheming Try to Bring a New Tax

2010-08-10T14:47:00.000+01:00

Part 56 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Just when you think that you have been spared, along comes another instalment and you find yourself with large serving of mayonnaise into your jacket pocket and two tickets to a recitation from the Argos catalogue. Following on from the unfortunate tale of the World Sauna

Well, My Time Went So Quickly

2010-08-08T15:12:00.002+01:00

Part 55 of “A Couple of Tenors Short” unlike a certain brand of lager, reaches parts that other blog serials fail to reach. My advice would be to use calamine lotion twice a day and not to scratch.After scientific study of the temperature of the precipitation, I believe we now have consensus that it is indeed Summer. So,

Magic for Me, Magic Make No Sound

2010-08-07T09:35:00.000+01:00

Part 54 of “A Couple of Tenors Short” hangs in the air then drifts in on a scented breeze to cause you olfactory curiosity.It is also Saturday. You see you can’t slip those little details past me once I’ve had a cup of coffee. Now that Summer is truly here (you can tell by the rain being warmer), you might be considering

Destined to Become Zero, Staring Up This Long Path

2010-08-06T10:16:00.000+01:00

Part 53 of “A Couple of Tenors Short” is deposited upon you like lucky pigeon poo during a summer’s day stroll in a city park. I just hope that you are not wearing your best bib and tucker and don’t have anywhere important to go. Ahhh, yes, I hear the usual whisperings and mutterings casting doubt upon my sobriety. I

Effie, Madge and Mabel, Biddie

2010-08-04T11:44:00.000+01:00

Please note, during the next trick, my hands never leave my arms and that the small rodents remain in full view of my audience..... drum roll....Voila! By means of magic (or maybe cunning smoke and mirrors) Part 52 of “A Couple of Tenors Short” is unleashed into my quiet corner of the interweb. I keep amazing myself by

Talk to Me Now I'm Older

2010-08-03T14:05:00.000+01:00

This is part 51 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. As we have now moved into the second half-century of instalments, I thought it best to re-vamp the ‘Story so Far’ section to see if I could make it easier to understand. Not that I would encourage people to stake short cuts, I would still prefer people start from Part One, but I thought a better recap would help the occasional readers.So, the recap

Well, My Dandruff Is Loose.

2010-07-31T15:52:00.000+01:00

This is part 50 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Yes, you heard correctly, this is part 50 of my serial. I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t sure if this would make it to the half century. It has got here though and there is certainly more to come.If you are one of the stoical yeomen who has stuck with this from Part One,

I'm Old Tom Moore From the Bummer's Shore

2010-07-30T20:26:00.000+01:00

Have I told you about how much I enjoy playing Fallen London? I have? Oh, OK.This is part 49 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. The Inspector Jones fan club have asked me to point out that they are struggling with the number of enquiries at the moment. After all Mattress Madge has to fit in the admin work around her shifts in

Hope To Chain This Memory

2010-07-29T16:01:00.000+01:00

Life has far too many distractions. Things that lure you away from what good boys and girls do with their time. Well, I have found another one of those distractions, Fallen London. A well thought out and deceptively simple on-line game based around Twitter, this has really got me hooked. If you take time to explore it, you will discover why. It has the same kind of strange sense of humour and

It's Supposed To End In My Mind, My Baby

2010-07-28T15:53:00.000+01:00

Here is part 47 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. There is another quiz question associated with the part number. I’d never heard of the artists or the song, still, it’s a doddle if you know the answer.OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener

She Dug Down When They Took the Town

2010-07-25T08:19:00.000+01:00

I hate the fact that I suffer from hay fever. The long sneezing fits, the runny nose, the itchy eyes all combine to make me a very grumpy old Hector. This morning, the hay fever was so bad that I decided to take the last pill in the packet of the hay fever remedy. Seeing the world through streaming eyes, I struggled to the medicine cabinet and withdrew the little blue box before pausing for a

One Not Subtle, One Not on the List.

2010-07-21T15:32:00.000+01:00

Here is part 45 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. I’m not sure why it has taken me so long to get round to posting this. I have been working on it, just not actually posting the results. I think it must be that I re-read one of the earlier bits and gave it a thorough overhaul – it rather broke my routine. There is another quiz question associated with the part number. I’d never heard of the

I wore my .44 so long, I made my shoulder sore.

2010-07-16T16:41:00.000+01:00

Delayed by my soapbox and foray into mobsourcing, along comes part 44 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Given my recent foray into trying to change the world, getting back to writing has been bliss. There is another quiz question associated with the part number. This is an absolute stinker, even with the picture clue, so you’ll need the answer although the original artist is actually here. OK,

Revenge of the Soapbox

2010-07-15T16:15:00.000+01:00

It pains me to admit this, my postulant yeomen, but the last couple of weeks have convinced me that I am not capable of changing the world for the better. While this is probably not the most earth shattering revelation known to mankind, the method and nature of its discovery has shaken me to the core, for it has challenged my philosophical belief in the inherent goodness of mankind (See Note 1

Another Outing for the Soapbox

2010-07-11T15:38:00.000+01:00

Today I climb wearily on my soapbox and try to change the world. Yes, I have been trying to get an idea heard that I believe is the way forward in building a better world for future generations. Laid out below is an entry I have posted on another of the UK Governments ‘crowd sourcing’ websites. I would like to propose the radical idea that government considers making corporate taxation

Smile Down Upon Your Son, Hey, Hey.

2010-07-09T07:10:00.000+01:00

Here it is! Laid out before you for your delectation is the very troublesome part 43 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. This has been an absolute nightmare to get to this point, but I still don’t think it is right. There is going to be work needed on the edit I think, so any feedback will be most helpful. There is another quiz question associated with the part number. Given that I think it is an

In Awe of the Land of the Free

2010-07-05T08:30:00.000+01:00

My gallipot yeomen, there has been another delay to Part 43 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. The draft is just about ready to post, but the old synapses went off on one again.That isn’t actually true, they went off on two.Firstly, I was devastated to read that the UK National Health service is not going to be handing out ‘Pink Viagra’ on prescription. Such news would normally have me spewing

Restoring the Synapses to Their Natural State

2010-07-03T14:54:00.000+01:00

Right now, I would have thought my email inbox would be overflowing with complaints that I have yet to post the next part of my draft novel. This could be a severe case of gremlins munching their way through BT servers, possibly that there is a shortage of dried frog pills to sustain my loyal readers, or maybe that some people have yet to discover Part One.Rest assured, I will be treating the

The Cautionary Tale of Albert Nightswerve, the Widget King.

2010-07-02T13:53:00.000+01:00

My balneal yeomen, many apologies if you are waiting for Part 43 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”, but those of you who have been following this blog may have realised that I discovered my battered soapbox while I was dry-cleaning my llama. It brought back good memories and I have decided to give it a bit of an airing over my ideas of ethical taxation in business. I have already drawn your

It Doesn't Work, Nick!

2010-07-01T16:28:00.000+01:00

This morning, I happened to notice a BBC News item reporting that Nick Clegg, on behalf of the UK Government has launched a consultation with the British public over ways to improve freedoms and reduce the numbers of laws and regulations that have an impact on our lives. Having found my thoughts continually returning to how businesses behave, I took this to be a wonderful opportunity to share

They're Just Living in my Head

2010-06-28T16:17:00.000+01:00

After a gap where I have been thinking about the future of mankind, I return to what I hope is happier subjects with part 421 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. As always, the picture is a clue and I give you the answer. OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener known as Part One. The troublesome recap has now settled

READ ALL OF THIS! It's your life.

2010-06-22T10:58:00.004+01:00

The oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is a disaster. It is a disaster of unprecedented scale that has cost lives and livelihoods. The long term impact cannot be known either in terms of the environment or the economy of the region. The full facts behind what caused the blast and where the blame lies has yet to be told, but in what has come out so far, the theme tends to be that safety was set aside

Is it a Gun Is it a Knife Is it a Wallet This is Your Life

2010-06-21T13:16:00.000+01:00

Before I let you loose on part 41 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”, I should offer my apologies at the lack of updates in the last week. This was down to a very busy week and a particularly difficult part of the plot to put into words. I normally write a couple of episodes ahead of what I am posting. Before I start writing anything new, I give the previous couple of episodes a read and a quick

The Man Who Preached the Funeral

2010-06-16T07:05:00.000+01:00

Just a flying visit to bring you part 40 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Another difficult track lyric that provides the title, but as always, I give you the answer. OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener known as Part One. The troublesome recap has now settled into its new home. You can find the recap here!

Assembled Here the Volunteers

2010-06-13T07:37:00.000+01:00

This week looks like it will be a busy one, so postings may be sparse. Still, fret not my fine yeomen, I can still bring you part 39 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Giving a picture clue today would rather give the game away as to the track lyric that provides the title, but as always, I give you the answer. OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any

When the Basement Packs and the Needle Drops

2010-06-12T11:03:00.002+01:00

Here is part 38 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. I couldn’t really find a suitable quiz question today, so instead I took inspiration from the above school as an excuse to have this as the answer. OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener known as

The Summer Ball

2010-06-11T09:56:00.001+01:00

We take a short break from "A Couple of Tenors Short" to bring you this report from Evar Guttaluttabuttavic, special society correspondent for the Pig Breeder’s Gazette. June 2010, somewhere in the Heart of England. Fine yeomen, those of you in the fair British Isles this past week could be forgiven if you have missed the fact that, according to the Ethaniel Nightswerve Almanac, we are enjoying

Erase the Proof... Erase the Proof but

2010-06-09T19:09:00.000+01:00

Here is part 37 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Another stinker of a quiz question today, I guess that as the numbers get higher, the quiz questions will inevitably get harder, so you will need the answer. I was reminded today by Sean, that I have been at this blogging lark off and on over four years. My how time flies when you are having fun! OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my

Let's Pack Up and Start Again

2010-06-08T19:06:00.000+01:00

Here is part 36 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. After yesterday, where I thought the quiz question was so easy that I felt I could afford to advertise mugs, I have never even heard of the band let alone the track for today’s title. Anyway, so I need to give you the answer. Plus, if you want to read a really fantastic blog entry, you could do a lot worse than go here. OK, the quiz question

When I See You Out and About It's Such a Crime

2010-06-07T17:23:00.000+01:00

Here is part 35 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. As the track title is so easy today, I have not chosen a picture relating to the artist. Instead I have found this fantastic idea for those of you who love dunking biscuits. This astounding mug can be found here! At this point I was going to wax lyrical about the ultimate tea dunking experience of the Tim Tam Kiss – only to find that my original

Lie About It Cry About It

2010-06-06T18:53:00.000+01:00

Here is part 34 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. I have heard of the band, but not the title of the track in our quiz question today, so I think that most will need the answer. OK, the quiz question out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any new-joiners should start with the opener known as Part One. The troublesome recap has now settled into its new home. You can find the recap

Mysteries Not Ready to Reveal

2010-06-04T12:01:00.000+01:00

Later today, I will be off to see my very talented daughter’s degree show. Anyone out there want to commission a talented young illustrator and graphic novelist before she becomes famous and ridiculously expensive? Anyway, I digress. What everybody really wants is to set eyes upon part 33 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”, I will not delay you further. I actually think that the title and the

Squint Your Eyes and Look Closer

2010-06-02T16:45:00.000+01:00

Somewhere in the next few paragraphs of part 32 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”, you will sail through the 25000 word mark. Amazing, isn’t it? As the numbers get bigger, finding quiz questions becomes harder and the actual answer comes as something of a discovery even for the person setting the question! OK, the quiz questions out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any

He's my confectionary ice cream Joe

2010-06-01T08:18:00.000+01:00

The horror! Due to some strange twists in the fabric of reality, I have discovered that I have somehow managed to get a mismatch between the numbering of the parts on my blog and on my manuscript! So, my fine yeomen, we find ourselves visiting part 31 of “A Couple of Tenors Short” for a second time. Rest assured that although the part numbers are the same, the actual content is different. Yes,

And We Fumbled As The Day Grew Dark

2010-05-29T16:23:00.000+01:00

We find ourselves gathered around the portal leading to part 31 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. This is another post where the title is taken from a song lyric with some kind of associated picture to give you a clue. This one is linked to the number 31. It seems to be a tradition now that I also give you the answer. OK, the quiz questions out of the way, here is my mantra. This is a serial. Any

Where Children Play Without Despair

2010-05-28T16:49:00.000+01:00

We find ourselves gathered around the portal leading to part 30 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. This is another post where the title is taken from a song lyric with some kind of associated picture to give you a clue. This one is linked to the number 30. Not quite so difficult today given the clue, but in the spirit of infant cordial, I give you the answer. OK, the quiz questions out of the way,

I Got a Trapdoor Right Under His Bed

2010-05-27T16:42:00.000+01:00

< We find ourselves gathered around the portal leading to part 29 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. This is another post where the title is taken from a song lyric with some kind of associated picture to give you a clue. This one is linked to the number 29. This is a toughie but with an answer well worth discovering – so to help you in the discovery, here is the actual answer. OK, the quiz

I Hope They Don't Stop At My Door

2010-05-26T17:20:00.000+01:00

We find ourselves gathered around the portal leading to part 28 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. As with most of the posts for this novel in my blog, the title is taken from a song lyric with some kind of associated picture to give you a clue. This one was going to be called “Dance ballerina girl, go go go!", but it got hijacked. This first title is linked to the number 28. The actual title, ‘I

In Everything I Do I Take Complete Control

2010-05-25T18:30:00.000+01:00

This is to mark the arrival of part 27 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. It is one of those strange synaptic tangents that make nonsense of maths. Maths tells us that 27 should be a particularly lucky number because it is 3 cubed (or 3 x 3 x 3). I’ll leave it up to you to work out the tangent. As I am older than my readership, the title and the picture are clues. I should give a quick repeat of my

You Gotta Wait a Minute, Wait a Minute

2010-05-24T17:18:00.000+01:00

Yes, that really is a picture of a fish pedicure. I think the way they use their little fins to apply the nail varnish is nothing short of miraculous. Nothing came to mind when I tried to find a connection to the number 26. As a result, I entered ‘26’ into Google and found this worthwhile site. This is to mark the arrival of part 26 of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. Somewhere in this episode, 20

Sneaking Along Last Is That Mean Machine

2010-05-23T12:35:00.000+01:00

Dedicated to Mutleythedogsdayout “A Couple of Tenors Short” celebrates 25 instalments. Astounding, isn’t it? Who’d have thought I could keep bamboozling my audience with this confusing serial with 25 episodes? Yet here we are and the fog of confusion shows no sign of letting up! The fog is unlikely to lift if you try and leap into the middle of this episodic rollercoaster. I might have said

Cos Somethin Happend To Me While I Was Driving Home

2010-05-22T16:21:00.000+01:00

With the tact, diplomacy and general pacifism that Jack Bauer has made his trademark, part twenty-four of “A Couple of Tenors Short” oozes into your consciousness. Lesser yeomen than yourselves would now be rushing for the lemon scented all-purpose cleaner, but I know you can handle it. You will be pleased to know that my gecko and his homemade ski mask proved to be a sensation at the Norfolk

With a Texas Tommy Wiggle

2010-05-21T07:54:00.000+01:00

Part twenty-three of “A Couple of Tenors Short” arrives after a short break caused by a rather busy week. With my support garments now firmly in place, I am able to pick up the threads and try to knit a ski mask for my gecko. Remember boys and girls, this is a serial. Any new-joiners should attempt the standard loin girding and start with Part One. Should you be rejoining the story, or do

Aunt Milly Ran Willy Nilly

2010-05-13T15:03:00.000+01:00

It is my birthday today. In a rather odd reversal of tradition, I bring you the present of part twenty-two of “A Couple of Tenors Short.” Remember boys and girls, this is a serial. Any new-joiners should attempt the standard loin girding and start with Part One. Should you be rejoining the story, or do not have the inclination to read the previous parts, allow me to recap. Disclaimer: There

Time for a Winterfest Polka

2010-05-12T09:46:00.000+01:00

Over the last few days I have been distracted by the UK election. With the dust beginning to settle, I can now yell ‘Here it is!’ “A Couple of Tenors Short” reaches part twenty-one without anyone suggesting a mad themed party. I was told this story is a touch eccentric. I read it again, but I can’t see it myself. Am I missing something? Never mind. For those of you who do not speak Datsun, I

Jane Annie or the Good Conduct Prize

2010-05-10T09:24:00.000+01:00

The synaptic tangents to get today’s title are amazing! I wonder if anyone knows why that title sprung up without the aid of Google? The picture is a clue. I’m sorry that I have delayed bringing you “A Couple of Tenors Short” with part twenty, but I have rather been caught up in the aftermath of our General Election. With no single party having a majority, there are a lot of negotiations going

Just After You're Gone My Memories Sharpen

2010-05-06T10:22:00.000+01:00

Before I whisk you away on the magic carpet that is “A Couple of Tenors Short” with part nineteen, I wold like to remind any Brits reading this that May 6th is polling day in the general election. Before you lose yourself in the nightmare that is my imagination, please vote. I wouldn’t dream of trying to influence how you vote - just make sure that by applying your ‘x’ to the ballot you have

Destructive to the Logical Faculty

2010-05-05T11:20:00.000+01:00

The story of “A Couple of Tenors Short” continues with part eighteen. I still have lots of ideas bouncing around inside me – so it looks like I shall be continuing with this. If you want to start this serial from the beginning you will have to make do with the original Part One, the updated version will be posted when I am sure that it matches up with my ideas for the plot. Should you be

Come in to My Parlour

2010-05-04T14:27:00.000+01:00

Here is the special delivery of Part Seventeen of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. I only hope that the writing is conveying all the thoughts that bounce around in my skull about what I hope to achieve. When I am happy that I have sorted out the tweaks and changes, I will update some of the entries, but until then, if you want to start this serial from the beginning you will have to make do

Dancing on the Head of a Pin

2010-05-03T09:35:00.004+01:00

We find ourselves arriving at Part Sixteen of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. There was no entry yesterday as I did a spot of work on the manuscript, closed a small plot hole and developed a couple of the conversation sections. This was the result of me having a go at reading out loud the opening. It was particularly difficult to read and my mumbling and stumbling attempt can be found on here on

Your Future Dream is a Shopping Scheme

2010-05-01T09:27:00.000+01:00

We find ourselves arriving at Part Fifteen of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. I have to admit that this is still proving fun to write and that it looks likely to continue, although some sections seem to lack the pace I’d hoped for and sometimes it has been hard to slip in ‘clues’. Yes, I have it on good authority they are there, feel free to email me if you think you have spotted one. Much better

Masquerades and Operas

2010-04-30T08:20:00.001+01:00

Time to give you Part Fourteen of “A Couple of Tenors Short”. The summary is getting rather long; I think it may be time to take the pruners to it. That means that you really should try to read this from the start which means going to the strangely named Part One. I should also point out that this is very much a draft.

A Weekend Lancashire Yarn

2010-04-29T09:11:00.005+01:00

“A Couple of Tenors Short” has now passed 10 000 words – that is over 10% of a novel and I still have loads of stuff to throw into the mix. To start with, there is Part Thirteen which will see Inspector Glynn Jones take a haircut! This is another longer segment. This is because ‘Chopper’ will be my cameo role when this is made into a feature film – so Hollywood

Tears Idle Tears

2010-04-28T08:38:00.001+01:00

Good News Everyone! I have found the title of this stew of my creative juices; it will be called “A Couple of Tenors Short”. In celebration, I bring you Part Twelve of what might yet prove to be a novel. As always, I remind you that in order to get the best from any serial, you should start at the beginning which I decided on a whim to name as Part One. Should you be

A Couple of Tenors Short

2010-04-27T10:14:00.001+01:00

It hardly seems possible, but despite warnings that a Hung Parliament will cause jellies never to set and soft fruit to taste of anchovies, I managed to quell my fears and bring you Part Eleven of the provisionally titled ‘Horace Adkins Saga’. As always, I remind you that in order to get the best from any serial, you should start at the beginning which I decided on a

I Survived Mutant Rodents

2010-04-26T11:15:00.001+01:00

Having survived the weekend which, in part at least, required my to evict a mouse from the garage, I find myself able to bring you Part Ten of the provisionally titled ‘Horace Adkins Saga’. Those of you who doubt the courage required to bring you this need to know that the mouse was the size of a small cat, had teeth resembling steak knives and appeared to be growing wings. I have put these mice

Retribution of the Bean Bag

2010-04-25T09:32:00.001+01:00

By twists and turns of fate and a dodgy batch of Dried Frog Pills, we find ourselves at Part Nine of the provisionally titled ‘Horace Adkins Saga’. The final title remains as elusive as ever and so you are stuck with me naming each segment will be titled according to a random synaptic tangent. For those of you who may be a tad confused, I suggest that you make sure you have read the previous

Exploding of the Black and White Cat

2010-04-24T08:38:00.000+01:00

My tale continues as I bring you Part Eight the provisionally titled ‘Horace Adkins Saga’. As yet, the title of the piece has yet to present itself to me, so until it does each segment will be titled according to synaptic tangent. For those of you who may be a tad confused, I suggest that you make sure you have the previous parts, starting with Part One. Should you be rejoining the story, or do

Talk About Handicap — I'm a One-eyed Negro Jew

2010-04-23T09:59:00.000+01:00

Still smarting that I have failed to knock a televised three way thing from the headlines and thus failing to become an overnight Internet sensation, I salve my wounded ego and bring you Part Seven of the Horace Adkins saga. My previous advice still holds true. Those who have not already done so, should acquaint themselves with the innovatively named Part One followed, in the nature of radical

Does Your Chewingum Lose its Flavour

2010-04-22T10:03:00.002+01:00

Despite not yet becoming the Internet sensation it deserves, the tale continues with a slightly longer entry today. You find yourself in line to pick up your copy of Part Six. Previously, I have suggested that those who have not already done so, should acquaint themselves with the innovatively named Part One followed, in the nature of radical nomenclature, by Part Two , Part Three, Part Four

Candice Bull and the Seven Tumbler Lever Lock

2010-04-21T10:08:00.001+01:00

This tale has been going on for a while now. You may now find yourself thrown into (not yet) the middle of this broiling pot. Previously, I have suggested that those who have not already done so, should acquaint themselves with the innovatively named Part One followed, in the nature of radical nomenclature, by Part Two , Part Three and Part Four. However, at this point, I would like warn casual

Where the Corn Grows Higher than your Eyes

2010-04-20T11:01:00.006+01:00

Those of you who have come late to this tale might be interested in knowing that you are joining in the middle of the epic. May I suggest that you first acquaint yourself with the innovatively named Part One followed, in the nature of radical nomenclature, by Part Two and then Part Three?Should you be rejoining the story, or do not have the inclination to read the previous parts, allow me to

John Kettley is a Weatherman, a Weatherman.

2010-04-19T10:01:00.001+01:00

Inspector Jones is finding life confusing. For a start, he has discovered he is married to person or persons unknown. There are is also the problem with organised Macramé gangs flooding the streets of London with cheap imported yarn. Further complicating matters are the George Washington Marching Bands, waxwork historical figures in Highland Dress, mobs of young girls brandishing bratwurst and

In the grip of the Zephyr

2010-04-18T13:45:00.003+01:00

For those of you who haven't already, you should read the first part of this story, which to avoid confusion, I shall call Part One .If you are too busy, or find that I have confused matters in my naming of Part One, then I shall give a quick recap.Jones and Smithy are on covert surveilance in a pink Ford Zephyr Mark III. It is turning out to be anything but routine. They have both grown facial

The case against Macrame

2010-04-17T10:48:00.002+01:00

The courtesy light illuminated Smithy in the driver's seat of the Ford Zephyr. He was peering into the rear view mirror and combing a thick, black moustache that garnished his top lip.Jones climbed into the back seat with the two pizza boxes."I thought I said inconspicuous?" he barked at Smithy in a South London accent. "Anybody can spot a pink classic Ford Zephyr, you idiot."Smithy shrugged "It

Looking for Hope at the Ballot Box

2010-02-09T14:04:00.001Z

The last week or so has seen a rise in my synaptic meanderings. Over the last couple of days, I have found myself thinking about such diverse subjects as efficiency savings for the 2012 Olympics, alternative uses for novelty pastry cutters and the upcoming general election here in the UK.Unfortunately, it means that I

Codifying Christmas Tradition

2010-01-06T11:19:00.001Z

Image expertly and custom made by my likkle girl!We are enjoying a traditional Christmas. By that, I mean that our celebrations follow a number of traditions that have become customary over the years, not that we travel by donkey to a stable so that the number of family members increases by one.Strangely, the traditions we follow have rather evolved over the years since that first Christmas.

Christmas Greetings from Holder Grange!

2009-12-25T09:08:00.003Z

It hardly seems possible that another year has flown past and it is time to provide the less fortunate of the world with another update from Holder Grange.As I sit at my desk, looking over the expanse of sparkling snow on the front lawns, I’m tempted to describe 2009 as the ‘year of cheese’.It all started with a terrible misunderstanding involving our number one daughter, a private party, several

I am Ironman

2009-04-15T13:58:00.001+01:00

As my stalwart yeomen know, I have an abnormally effective immune system. While others may dissolve into fits of cough, sneezes and sniffles with the onset of a cold, I merely shrug as thousands of little white blood cells round up any invading cold viruses and expel them with a stern warning never to return.When a nasty little flu bug decides to do the rounds of our office (see Note 1), my

James Bond on the Clapham Omnibus

2009-04-08T20:08:00.001+01:00

Here is a little game for my fay yeomen. Think of the most mundane fantasy perpetuated by the media and by the advertising industry that is just impossible to recreate in real life. By that I mean the media portrayal of lifestyle of the fictional and the real.At the moment, I think that my offering in this arena would be personal transportation.In the media, people

Double Entry Bookkeeping and Childhood Dreams

2009-04-03T18:18:00.002+01:00

As my cogent yeomen know, I am a bear of very little brain. This isn’t always a disadvantage, sometimes it is positive asset.Take the G20 summit in London, while all of the leaders took turns in announcing the unanimity of all concerned and the success of the summit (see Note 1), I remained unconvinced. When all the papers laud the communiqué (see Note 2) as giving

Teaching New Dogs Old Musical Tricks

2009-04-01T20:14:00.001+01:00

As life bestows its chronological gifts, I have reached the stage where I am faced with bafflement when considering modern popular music combinations.As the sands of time shift, the modern music scene seems to become increasingly difficult for me to comprehend and I find myself seeking solace in the timeless classics.My daughter has tried to explain to me the merits of various contributors to the

Motivation is Concentric Circles

2009-03-27T07:46:00.001Z

After the debacle that was Evar’s attempt at a motivational seminar in the ‘Rat & Ferret’, a group of us decided that we would help him out by adding ‘structure’ to his technique.I was the first to arrive and I sat nursing a pint of Nightswerve’s Velvet Cudgel while I waited for the others. Evar turned up a short time later quickly followed by Lillian Flotelitely, who had offered to enhance Evar

Footprints in the Sands of the Blogosphere

2009-03-26T07:54:00.002Z

I do read other people’s blogs and occasionally, I even remember to comment (although I have been known to click the submit key and then close the computer down without ever realising).Very occasionally, I get carried away when I comment. There are a number of people who know this, most of them vowing never to have anything to do with me ever again.This morning, not only did I get carried away,

Motivation is a Lycra Body Suit

2009-03-24T20:03:00.000Z

With the Winter Olympics in Vancouver rapidly approaching, Evar’s training program is really stepping up a gear. Before dawn every morning, he is out pounding the pavements on his 30km run, normally with his trainer on his back bellowing words of encouragement in his ear.After a successful training camp in Bulgaria last month, Evar is in confident mood that next years Olympiad will be his best

Darwin’s Evolution of Synaptic Tangent

2009-03-23T18:04:00.001Z

It is time, my chipper yeomen, that I set you a small puzzle to start the week, and trust me this is a small puzzle. It has been a while since I set off on a trail of synaptic tangents, so I am going to start off small, can you connect Charles Darwin with Melinda Messenger?Another reason I am starting off small is that I am finding inspiration hard to come by.I believe that something has subtly

The Perils of a Burned Out Clutch

2009-03-20T18:26:00.001Z

Ah my fervid yeomen, I fear that sometimes that my clutch needs a good service. I am not talking about that my automobile is suffering a fault, but the mechanism that sits between my brain and my mouth.When I am dealing with the written word, be it for work or pleasure, my brain tends to switch to this strange mode. Things happen around me and my brain reacts.Yesterday, a group of colleagues

Group Therapy

2009-03-19T19:14:00.001Z

It was sometime in the mi-90s that I first started to write for pleasure. There I was, happily sliding towards my 40s when I met Mike. I’m not quite clear on how it happened, but somehow, under the editorial leadership of Mike, a magazine came into being that satirised the official company magazine.Calling our offering a magazine was probably stretching the point. While the company magazine was

A Bewildering Air of Unmatched Non-conformance

2009-03-17T13:31:00.001Z

Anyone interested in purchasing this hilarious party attire should visit funnfrolic.It seems that I have picked up some kind of strange ailment. It is one of those horrible illnesses where you feel bad, ache, get tired quickly and feel a little ‘odd’. (see Note 1)This has been made worse by somehow tweaking a rib muscle in my sleep. For those of you who have never managed to tug an intercostal,

I woke up this mornin'

2009-03-16T19:19:00.000Z

I had this wonderful idea that I would kick off today's entry with a little rhyme in the style of the blues. I'm sure you know what I mean...."I woke up this mornin' and my little doggy was gorn.I woke up this mornin' and my little doggy was gorn.There was a wet patch on the carpet, and a big one in my shoe."You know how my mind works, I had something I wanted to eventually get round to writing

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

2009-03-15T15:11:00.001Z

Well, my pertinacious yeomen, my little experiment yesterday with the video proved less than perfect. It seems that the sound quality on the video was not of professional quality.Stung by the comments, I have spent the morning tinkering with the computer. I have upgraded my display drivers (see Note 1), downloaded the latest versions of the webcam software and generally tinkered and tweaked since

2009-03-14T16:54:00.001Z

Somebody said they wanted to see me reading one of my stories.So, here I am, reading one of my stories. Please be careful what you wish for.

The Gentlemen of the Press

2009-03-13T20:23:00.001Z

It doesn’t seem ten minutes ago that I staggered out of bed, cursing and grumbling that it was Monday morning, but somehow I find it is Friday. There seems to have been a slight acceleration in the speed of time in my particular reality at the moment. The week has been a busy one what with the various outings I’ve had with the festival and a few technical curved balls at work. I had thought, my

Do you want Drut'syla with that?

2009-03-12T20:42:00.000Z

Last night I had a Drut'syla with my dinner. Now, my sybarite yeomen, you may now believe that this means I washed down the vitals with a large glass of fermented camels milk or that I enjoyed a side order of a filo parcel containing the highly spiced sweetmeats from a rare arctic mountain lion, but alas, you would be wrong.Were this this the 1970's, at this point invite you to provide the answer

Much Ado About Pansies

2009-03-11T12:48:00.001Z

It is possible that some of you may have been on expedition to the wilds of Manchester studying aboriginal termites. With your access to to civilisation, the internet, my blog and modern plumbing limited, you may not have realised that the Oundle Festival of Literature is going on.For the Festival, there was a competition to write a piece for a Shakespeare event loosely based on 'A Midsummer

2009-03-10T19:42:00.001Z

"Beggars detest those who do not give them money and loathe those who do."When John Bird makes a quote like that, he speaks with the confidence of experience. At the age of 5, he was homeless, his Irish immigrant parents having been unable to pay the rent. By 7, he was taken into a Catholic care system. By his teenage years, in trouble with the law, he found himself in an approved school, from

Shaken and Stirred

2009-03-09T13:12:00.001Z

It seems that for the photographs on all of the Festival events, I will have to make do with pictures of the empty stage. It seems that performers don't like it when in mid-flow, some fat bald bloke jumps out of his seat and shouts 'CHEESE!".Last night, I had the red carpet treatment for the first (And probably the only) public performance of my piece "Much Ado About Pansies". This took place at

The Agrophobic Journeyman

Getting the hang of it again

I am not dead.

If You Ever Plan To Motor West

Well Sweet Little Sista's High In Hell

When I Get Older, Losing My Hair.

Oh, What a Night